


All I've Ever Wanted

by Songstress42



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bookstore Owner Castiel, Cas Is A Total Spaz, Gabriel is Inappropriate, M/M, Movie Star Dean, Notting Hill AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-03-13 18:26:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3391724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Songstress42/pseuds/Songstress42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He contemplated, as he waited for the light to change, that even if that were Dean Winchester staring down at the world from way up there, he would likely still take no notice of Castiel all the way down there on the ground." </p><p>Notting Hill AU. In which Dean is a movie star and Castiel owns a bookshop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I'm Back!
> 
> So, I don't know if anyone else has already done this, I haven't seen any fics based on Notting Hill in this fandom yet and really, I couldn't help myself.
> 
> Leave a comment if you liked it or if you think it needs work or if you just want to say hi!
> 
> Enjoy!

The poster was ten feet tall and spanned nearly the length of the building. At one end ran the title UTOPIA and underneath it, COMING SOON. At the other, Dean Winchester's impossibly green eyes stared out from an equally impossibly symmetrical face, his expression stern as Castiel looked up from his spot down on the pavement. He contemplated, as he waited for the light to change, that even if that were Dean Winchester staring down at the world from way up there, he would likely still take no notice of Castiel all the way down there on the ground.

 

He sighed, stomach twisting as it always did when he allowed himself to ruminate on the fact that Dean Winchester was alive and breathing somewhere in the world, in all of his perfect glory, and he would never know Castiel even existed.

 

Someone nudged past him and he was shocked out of his reverie to find that the light had turned green and people were rushing in droves to cross the street. Castiel seamlessly merged into the crowd, becoming one with it so smoothly, a part of him felt he might easily loose himself in the faceless throngs of people that populated the greater Chicago area.

 

He walked the block and a half from his townhouse to the bookshop he ran with his brother Gabriel, Novak & Sons. He had inherited it from his father who had inherited it from _his_ father who had opened the pokey little shop when he'd immigrated from Poland after fleeing Warsaw following the nazi occupation during the second world war. Against all odds, the tiny shop with the strange, foreign sounding name, had survived through the forties and fifties and sixties, passing from father to son until Castiel had taken ownership. He could still remember the day when his father, hands steady despite the wrinkles that graced the skin, had handed him the keys in a gesture that was more ceremonial than anything else seeing as how Castiel himself had been working in the shop since he'd been tall enough to reach the register.

 

The photo still sat on the wall behind the counter, him and his father, arms around one another, smiling for the camera as Amelia snapped the photo. Once the shutter click had sounded, Claire had come rushing forward from where she had been waiting patiently by her mother's knee and Castiel could remember swooping her up, her five year old face lighting up with glee as her golden hair fanned out, arms held out as he lifted her into the air, sunlight catching her locks and illuminating them, shining like a halo as she laughed.

 

He sighed and tried not to think too much about that time when they were happy, before he had gone and screwed everything up.

 

The bell tinkled as he entered and Gabriel looked up from the magazine he had been perusing, his feet propped up on the counter as he lounged.

 

"Oh for pete's sake Gabe, if you insist on reading those at work, could you at least cover them up with a book? I could have been a child."

 

Gabriel smirked but dutifully accepted the book that Cas handed him to cover up the picture of a mostly naked, busty blond staring seductively out from the pages of the Casa Erotica magazine he'd been reading.

 

"You're gonna have to lighten up sometime Cassie," Gabriel commented, "Get that stick out of your ass so someone can stick something else up it."

 

Cas choked on his coffee.

 

"Good lord Gabriel could you be any more crass?"

 

"You want me to run out and pick one up for you?" His brother continued, gesturing to the magazine and blatantly unperturbed by Castiel's discomfort, "Maybe something with Dean Winchester on the cover?"

 

Cas blushed.

 

"I don't think Dean Winchester has ever done porn Gabe."

 

"No, but he looks pretty snazzy in this month's issue of GQ."

 

Cas didn't comment.

 

"You already have it don't you."

 

Cas continued to plead the fifth.

 

"I bet you have it stuffed under your mattress with all your other gay porn."

 

Cas rolled his eyes and stalked into his dingy little office, slamming the door for good measure. It was a childish way to end the argument but Gabriel always seemed to bring out the most childish behaviour in him. Probably because his older brother was so immature himself.

 

Cas sighed and sat down in the ancient office chair that groaned and squeaked with his weight, and booted up the old PC. E-mails, nothing urgent, still no response from Amelia. He had been sending her messages everyday for nine months and still nothing. He couldn't really blame her, and yet the situation hadn't been entirely his fault and surely her dislike of him and his - as she put it - 'choices' shouldn't prevent her from allowing him to see his own daughter.

 

He sighed and glanced over at the most recent school photo of Claire that sat framed on his desk. Her expression was serene, almost serious, a trait she shared with her father who had always been the quiet, watchful type, much more comfortable observing from the outskirts than joining in. Of course, she was also her mother's child and was consequently much more adept at making friends than Castiel had ever been. His mouth curved into a soft smile as he stroked his fingers over the photograph. Hopefully she wouldn't have grown too much by the time Amelia cooled off and allowed him back into Claire's life.

 

He tore his gaze away and turned back to the computer, concentrating on replying to what little messages he had received and trying really, very hard not to dwell on the family he had lost.

 

...

 

It was nearly noon by the time he emerged from the office. Gabriel was in much the same spot as he had been when Castiel had entered and, apart from him, the shop was empty.

 

"Anyone been in?" Cas asked hopefully, knowing full well the answer. There were security monitors in his office and a bell above the door.

 

"Not a soul." Gabe answered, not looking up from his reading material. He had the skin-mag tucked into a copy of The Children's Illustrated Bible and Cas rolled his eyes, contenting himself with the fact that his older brother would for sure be going to hell.

 

"Say, I was thinking of nipping over to Angel Cakes, seeing how things are running over there and maybe picking us up some lunch. What do you say?"

 

Cas shrugged.

 

"Just so long as it has more nutrients than calories."

 

Gabriel gave an overly dramatic eye roll and turned to leave.

 

"You're no fun Cassie bear!"

 

"So I've been told." He murmured to himself as the bell tinkled and the door shut.

 

He glanced around at the mess that was the register area with an exasperated tisk and cursed Gabriel's name as he set about tidying up.

 

The bell tinkled again and Cas had a snarky remark ready on the tip of his tongue about Gabriel leaving his phone behind for the hundredth time which died the moment he looked up and realized that, one, the man standing in the entryway of his store was not Gabriel having come back to fetch something he'd left behind, two, this was in fact a paying customer and there had been an unfortunate shortage of those in the last little while, and three, the man standing in the doorway of his little shop dwarfed by the high rises and skyscrapers of Chicago, the man in the black V-neck and fashionably torn jeans pulling off sunglasses that looked to cost more than Castiel's monthly salary, that this man, with shining green eyes and a perfectly symmetrical face, was none other than Dean fucking Winchester.

 

Castiel froze as the movie star folded his sunglasses, hung them off the low v-neck of his t-shirt, and scanned the room. The store was tiny and Cas was suddenly, horribly aware of how dusty it was and how dingy it looked with the threadbare carpet and manual cash register that stuck and didn't automatically calculate change. Those green eyes that Cas had spent an embarrassingly long amount of time staring at from various magazines and Google image searches swept across the shop until they landed on Cas standing and staring like an idiot.

 

He smiled and Cas' knees nearly buckled.

 

"Hey."

 

Cas gulped, Dean's voice was even deeper in person and it was sending blood rushing southwards. He shifted behind the counter and nodded.

 

"Hello." It sounded feeble and pathetic so he added, "Welcome."

 

Dean frowned but continued to smile and nodded.

 

"Thanks."

 

He turned and moved off to peruse the shelves.

 

"Are you looking for anything in particular?"

 

Dean stopped and turned.

 

"Birthday present for my brother. He's a nerdy type. Super smart. I'm not really into the whole...reading thing." He gestured idly to the whole store, "Although I do enjoy a good Vonnegut now and again."

 

Castiel could feel his heart pounding and his palms begin to moisten. He was having a conversation with Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester was speaking to him. Dean Freaking Winchester was in his store! And he liked Kurt Vonnegut. Take that Gabriel, Dean Winchester isn't just a pretty face, he has depth.

 

"I love Kurt Vonnegut."

 

Dean stared, as though waiting for more, but Cas' mind had gone blank, so he smiled politely, nodded, and moved off.

 

As soon as he was out of sight Cas dropped his head to the counter.

 

I love Kurt Vonnegut? What the hell was that? He had a BA in English for Christ's sake, he could give a whole lecture on Vonnegut off the cuff.

 

He straightened and began tidying up the place, trying to forget that the source of nearly every dirty fantasy he'd had in the past three years was currently browsing the historical fiction section.

 

An indeterminate amount of time later, as Cas was trying to distract himself by updating the books, a heavy thump broke him from his day dream in which he and Dean had ended up making out pretty ferociously in the rare books alcove, and he glanced up only to have the breath knocked out of him again by a pair of impossibly green eyes.

 

"Found something?" He asked, wishing the trembling in his voice was less noticeable. He glanced down at the chosen book. It was a rare one on various ancient mythologies. He glanced back up in time to see Dean shrug.

 

"Sammy likes old stuff and myths."

 

Cas smiled as he rang the item in.

 

"Are you close with your brother?"

 

Dean's expression went cold as he pulled out his wallet.

 

"Not really no." He answered, his tone suggesting that the subject was off limits.

 

Cas nodded and took the proffered bills. The register opened with a ding and he gathered the requisite change, holding it out as he tore the receipt.

 

"Well, I hope the present goes down well."

 

Dean stared at him as he took his change and the receipt.

 

"Will you be needing a bag?"

 

The man nodded but didn't speak and Cas fumbled for one, the plastic refusing to separate despite the fact that it had been doing so easily for the past two decades. He chuckled nervously as the bag finally gave way and Castiel shoved the book in as smoothly as he could manage (which was not smooth at all and made even more clumsy by the fact that his hands wouldn't stop shaking).

 

"Well…"

 

They stood in silence, Castiel's mind frantically casting about for any scrap of conversational gold that might trick this adonis into thinking that he was funny and interesting and intelligent, and coming up embarrassingly empty.

 

"Enjoy your time in our fair city."

 

Dean's face did that weird thing again when he smiled and frowned at the same time. He was still maddeningly handsome when he did it though and Castiel was almost angry at him for it, or at least he would be if it weren't for the fact that the high counter was hiding a big reaction to the man's face. And hands and hair and voice.

 

"You're a weird dude you know that?" He commented as he turned to leave.

 

"So everyone keeps telling me." Cas answered.

 

And then he was gone. From the store, from his life, and Castiel sat down in the tall chair that Gabriel had vacated, wondering if a) that had really just happened, and b) if he had really sounded as phenomenally stupid as he thought he had.

 

The damn bell tinkled again and Gabriel strode in with half a doughnut in his hand, the other half in his mouth and a blueberry bran muffin in his other which he presented to Cas once he reached the counter.

 

"Here you go little brother." He managed through the mass of half desiccated fried dough that filled his mouth, "Healthiest thing on the menu."

 

Cas took the muffin and stared at it.

 

"You do realize you actually have to put the food in you're mouth right? Humans have not yet gained the ability to create their own energy through photosynthesis."

 

Cas looked up at his brother.

 

"You'll never guess who was just in here." He said breathlessly, still foregoing the muffin in favour of rehashing every moment of Dean Winchester's little sojourn into Castiel's small, unremarkable life.

 

"Who?" Gabriel perked up, spinning around as though they might still be there, "Someone famous? Was it someone famous?" He spun back, "Please don't tell me Barak and Michelle stopped by and I wasn't here. Or ooh ooh! It wasn't Carmelita was it?"

 

Gabriel was practically vibrating at this point and Castiel didn't have to imagine all the crap he'd have to put up with if his vexatious older brother found out Cas had been a complete spaz in front of his not so secret celebrity crush, one mister Dean Winchester.

 

"No." He answered, staring down at the muffin and beginning to pick at it. "It wasn't anyone famous. Actually it was nothing." He cleared his throat, "Do you want some coffee? I think I'm going to go for some coffee. Want anything?"

 

Gabe slipped in behind him, nabbing the seat Cas vacated as he stood and moved out from behind the counter.

 

"Oh, maybe a frappuccino with a few extra squirts of caramel. And don't you dare let them skimp on the whipping cream."

 

Cas nodded and stepped outside, the warm, late spring sun beat down and he breathed deeply, letting the breath out slowly, trying to get the anxiety and embarrassment of his encounter with the movie star to leave. It had happened, it was over, time to get back to his empty, monotonous life.

 

Unfortunately, the day was only just beginning.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr](http://cas-in-a-leather-jacket.tumblr.com/)


	2. Chapter 2

To say Castiel was distracted would have been a massive understatement for a start. He ran into four people on the short walk from the shop to the cafe across from his townhouse and the barista had to call his name three times before he broke out of the reverie, in which he had been playing his encounter with Dean Winchester the movie star over and over in his mind, imagining a million different ways in which he might have been cooler or funnier, situations in which Dean had been enraptured by his witticism rather than being put off by his lack of social ability and, by the time he exited the coffee shop, Gabriel's overly sugared, blended coffee in one hand and his own cold brew in the other, he was so distracted by his unhelpful thoughts that he managed to run straight into a very well toned torso that was decked out in a tight black v-neck onto which the iced beverages cascaded in an impressive torrent of beige coloured liquid.

 

Cas stood frozen as the drinks drenched the man, his mind stuttering to a halt as heat rose in his cheeks and his stomach knotted and clenched in embarrassment.

 

"Oh. My. God." It came out as a trembling whisper as Dean leapt back, swearing up a storm as the iced and frozen drinks made contact. "Oh my god! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" He fumbled for the wad of paper napkins he'd snagged when he'd stopped for milk and held them out, "Here."

 

Dean looked from the pathetic peace offering up to Cas with a withering glance and took the proffered napkins, dabbing ineffectually at his soaked shirt.

 

"Umm, I live nearby, if you want you can dry off and borrow a clean shirt."

 

Dean stared at him suspiciously.

 

"How close is nearby?" He asked, obviously suspicious, and for good reason since pretty much all of his experience with Castiel so far had painted the shop owner as nothing but an obsessed weirdo.

 

"Just over there." Cas answered, pointing to the small townhouse he shared with Balthazar, the only friend who had suck by him through the breakup and divorce. "Number 42. The one with the blue door."

 

Dean pulled off his sunglasses and glanced where he was pointing, deliberating, before nodding and, after an uncomfortable moment during which Cas could not stop staring into his eyes, gestured for Cas to lead the way with an understandably pointed throat clearing.

 

Cas blushed and turned, moving to the crosswalk and peering not so subtly over his shoulder to make sure that Dean Winchester was in fact following him and not running for dear life. Not that Cas would blame him.

 

He made it to the front door and unlocked it, letting Dean in first before entering behind and letting the door fall shut. He turned and, as the state of the living room caught his eye, he immediately wished he was tidier or that at least Balthazar wasn't such a slob. He could practically feel Dean judging him as he surveyed the empty glasses and crumb filled plates that adorned every available space in the cramped living room, all of which sent a very loud message that this was the home of bachelors who had clearly given up on love. Or at least that described Cas. Balthazar was still very much committed to the sanctity of the one night stand, gender or sexual preference be dammed. A hand came up of its own accord to scratch at the back of his head in embarrassment.

 

"Uhhh, sorry it's such a mess."

 

Dean shrugged.

 

"Trust me, I've seen worse." He turned and Cas was once again struck by the greenness of his eyes. He'd always assumed it was photoshop in magazine shoots or lighting in his movies, that they couldn't possibly be this colour in real life. But here he was, standing in Castiel's filthy living room in the house that he hated and that he shared with a man he couldn't stand half the time, staring into the very real, impossibly green eyes of Dean Winchester.

 

Dean Winchester who was now frowning and clearing his throat.

 

"What?" He asked stupidly, not quite breaking out of his reverie.

 

Dean grabbed at his still wet shirt and raised his eyebrows pointedly.

 

Heat flooded Cas' cheeks as the reason Dean Winchester was standing in his living room in the first place came back to him, "Oh! Right, sorry, of course, sorry." He gestured up the staircase. "Up the stairs, first door on your right. I'll go grab you a clean shirt."

 

Dean stared at him a beat, probably trying to figure out weather or not Cas was legitimately insane before turning and ascending the staircase, Cas coming up behind him and trying desperately not to stare at the perfect ass that was right in front of him and the way the jeans - which probably cost four times what Castiel usually paid for jeans - hugged it so... He closed his eyes and tried to focus instead on other, less provocative thoughts; attending church with his father, watching Gabriel eat his own weight in pastries, the last time he'd had sex with Amelia.

 

The bathroom door slammed shut and Cas stood frozen for a moment on the landing. Dean Winchester was getting shirtless in his bathroom. He let that thought bounce around in his brain for a while but he still couldn't get his mind to quite believe it. He walked the five feet to his bedroom and rifled through his closet for a shirt that was at least marginally clean, finally locating his favourite old AC/DC t-thirt that would have the added benefit of making him perhaps seem marginally cooler in the eyes of the movie star currently stripping in his bathroom. Or at least slightly less weird and insane.

 

See, I've heard of awesome bands, I'm not a total spaz, I can be cool and interesting, please never leave.

 

Cas sighed and moved to the bathroom door.

 

What he had expected upon knocking was for Dean to open the door a crack, snatch the proffered shirt and slam to door in his face. What he did not expect was for Dean Winchester to open the door wide in all his tanned, six-pack, tattooed glory, take the shirt from Cas' limp grasp, smile and proclaim ‘Dude, I love AC/DC!’, wink at Cas, and then slam the door in his face.

 

Cas stood in the hallway for a full minute after the door closed before his mind started working enough to realize that Dean Winchester opening the door to find Cas still standing there was decidedly not a good thing and that perhaps his time might be better spent doing what little he could to make the downstairs look slightly less like a frat house had exploded.

 

...

 

Cas had just dumped the last crumb laden plate in the kitchen sink when Dean ascended the stairs, looking every bit the movie star he was and sending confusing messages to Cas' various body parts by filling out the old t-shirt way better than Cas ever had.

 

"Hey." He greeted, coming to a stop a few feet from the man and standing awkwardly.

 

Dean nodded and then glanced around at the miraculously tidied up room.

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck.

 

"Can I get you anything? Water? Juice? I could put on some coffee or boil some water for tea if you're a tea drinker."

 

Dean shook his head.

 

"No, I'm alright."

 

"Are you hungry? I have food, I have...bread, I could make toast."

 

Dean stared at him and Cas wondered if the smile playing at the corner of his mouth was because he was being cute or because he was being weird. He was willing to bet his pitiful bank balance that it was the latter.

 

"Seriously dude, I'm fine. I should probably be going though. Thanks for the shirt."

 

"Right, of course. Not a problem. You can keep it."

 

Dean frowned at him and then nodded.

 

"'K, I'm gonna go now."

 

Cas felt his heart sink. The object of his affection was here in his house and he was about to walk out of his life forever. Again.

 

"Of course." He smiled through his disappointment, “You probably have important things to do."

 

"Yeah." Dean agreed, slipping his sunglasses on, hiding his eyes.

 

Cas mourned their loss.

 

And then the front door opened and Balthazar tumbled in.

 

"Cassie! You're home!" He stumbled forward smelling like the brewery he no doubt drank dry the previous night, "I may have found someone for you, tall, gorgeous, kinky as fuck, just the thing to initiate your virginal little ass to the wonderful world of sodomy." He nodded to Dean, barely looking at him through his sunglasses as he passed. "Hey."

 

Cas stood in horror in the wake of Balthazar, heat rising as his roommate's words sunk in.

 

"Uhhh, I'm gonna go."

 

Cas looked up and nodded. "That's probably a good idea. Escape while you still can."

 

He probably imagined the smile on Dean's face as the movie star stepped out the front door and shut it behind him.

 

Cas moved to the door and peeked out the side window, watching Dean cross the street and disappear around a corner. He turned and dropped his head back against the door, sliding down and slumping to the floor.

 

"Hold up!" Balthazar appeared at the top of the stairs, "There was a man here. A very, very attractive man wearing your shirt." He descended the staircase, coming to stop a few feet from Cas. "Have you been holding out on me Castiel?"

 

Cas sighed.

 

"No. I only met him today. He came into the shop and later I ran into him and spilt coffee all over him so I let him borrow a clean shirt. That's all."

 

"And you didn't get his digits? Have I taught you nothing?"

 

"Firstly, yes, you have taught me nothing, or at least as good as. And secondly, no, I did not get his digits." He stood and stalked into the kitchen, Balthazar trailing behind him.

 

"Come on Cas, I know you're a little late to the game but if you don't put yourself out there, how do you expect to get anywhere? Or anyone?"

 

The phone rang and Balthazar picked it up, freeing Cas from having to answer. Instead, he squirted a completely unnecessary amount of dish soap in the sink and turned the tap on, hoping the mindless task of doing the dishes would distract him enough to take his mind off his disaster of an afternoon.

 

"It's Gabriel, he wants to know if you got lost on the way to the coffee shop."

 

Cas dropped his head.

 

"Hey," Balthazar said into the receiver, "How much do you know about Castiel's mysterious man candy."

 

Cas lunged for the phone but Balth danced out of the way.

 

"What do you mean you have no idea what I'm talking about, Cas says he was in the store earlier and I caught a glimpse of him just now and he was fiiiiiine."

 

Cas chased Balthazar into the living room and rolled his eyes when his immature roommate leapt up onto the sofa before jumping up himself, having to practically climb up the man to grab the phone.

 

"Oh, sorry Gabriel darling, I've got to go! Castiel is attempting to molest me. Mmmm and I might just let him."

 

Cas snatched the phone and hit the end button triumphantly, stepping away from the Englishman and panting from the impromptu wrestling match.

 

The door flew open and Gabriel sprinted in.

 

"What's this about a man baby brother! Why didn't you tell me?!"

 

Cas frowned.

 

"What are you doing here? Who's watching the store?"

 

"No one, I closed it, this is much more important."

 

Cas threw his hands in the air.

 

"This is not more important Gabe, in fact it's nothing. Balthazar's just being a drama queen. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go reopen my shop and you will forget anything ever happened."

 

He made to stalk past his aggravating older brother but Gabe grabbed him by his shoulder, halting his movement.

 

"Cas, seriously. If you've met someone—"

 

"I haven't met anyone! This guy just came into the shop and I was a complete idiot as per usual and then I spilled iced coffee on him and let him borrow a clean shirt. That's it! End of story!"

 

"But he was hot?"

 

Cas sighed.

 

"Yes."

 

"How hot?"

 

Cas stared tightlipped at his overly eager brother.

 

"From the split second I saw him, smoking." Balthazar added, unhelpfully.

 

"So why is that the end of the story Cas! Come on, I know you're still getting over the whole Amelia thing but seriously, it's been long enough. And you're a catch."

 

"Yes seriously." Balthazar added, "I mean if you hadn't been married to that uptight, harpy—"

 

"Please don't call Amelia that."

 

"—When we first met, then I would have been on you like spunk on a whore's tits."

 

Cas stared in shock at his roommate's chosen metaphor and, for the first time in nearly three years, felt the need to cross himself, if only to wash clean his soul.

 

"Well." He said, softly, "As flattering as those words are, they are unfortunately moot. I will not be seeing the gentleman in question again."

 

He stepped between his perverted housemate and equally perverted brother and strode over to the door.

 

"Well, did you at least get a name?"

 

Cas opened the door and glanced back.

 

"It was Dean Winchester."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr](http://cas-in-a-leather-jacket.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel brooded in the dark confines of the shop for the rest of the day, trying to decide which moment in particular from that afternoon won for most embarrassing of his life.

 

 

Thankfully, Gabriel and Balthazar had enough tact to leave him alone after he had stormed out of the house. He’d only received three texts, one from Gabriel expressing his opinion on the suckyness of the situation and two from Balthazar, one of which had been clearly written at the behest of his brother and read simply, _too bad old chap_ , while the other had elaborated on the virtues of the person to whom he had been referring when he had first blown through the door just as Dean had been leaving.

 

 

He set the phone down and dragged his fingers through his hair, balling his hands into fists and tugging, hoping that maybe the action might pull the memories right out of his head. But all it did was give him a headache.

 

 

He was in a foul mood for the next few days, snapping at people indiscriminately, most of whom - Gabriel and Balthazar - deserved it. He didn't bother to snap himself out of it until he found himself harshly critiquing the performance of the college student who worked weekends for nearly nothing, feeling like utter shit once he had.

 

 

"I'm sorry Alfie, I shouldn't have said that."

 

 

Alfie shrugged and picked up the pile of fallen books that had sparked the insensitive comment in the first place.

 

 

"That's all right Mr. Novak," Castiel still hadn't managed to convince him to use his first name.

 

 

"No it's not. It was unwarranted and I apologize."

 

 

He sighed wearily and sucked back the cold dregs of coffee that lingered from his third cup of the day.

 

 

"Mr. Novak?"

 

 

Castiel looked up and into Alfie's wide eyed face.

 

 

"Yes?"

 

 

The boy frowned, "Are you alright?"

 

 

Cas considered answering truthfully, that no, he was not alright, that he hadn't been alright in a very long time, not since he got knocked out of his pleasant little life of blissful ignorance by urges that just wouldn't stay quite any longer and this recent turn of events was just another upset on his road to becoming an old, lonely, forgotten man. But Alfie's eyes were still so bright. He still had so much to look forward to. Life hadn't yet dragged him down the inevitable road of pessimism and Castiel couldn't dump all that on him.

 

 

"Yes. I'm fine."

 

 

And with that lie, he stood and moved into the dust filled back office where he could mope and pine in silence.

 

 

"Oh! Mr. Novak, I almost forgot."

 

 

Castiel turned at the doorway.

 

 

"Earlier, when you were at your brother's bakery. Someone called." He fumbled in his pocket for a slip of paper. "He said his name was Dean and that he wanted to see you, to thank you, and then he said he was staying at the Peninsula, and then he said he was saying under another name but I can't remember what it was."

 

 

Castiel blinked.

 

 

Dean had called? Dean had gone to the trouble of finding out his phone number and called and wanted to see him again?

 

 

"You can't remember the name he gave you?"

 

 

Alfie's eyes went wide.

 

 

"I'm sorry Mr. Novak. I was searching for a pen and paper and by the time I got everything down he'd hung up."

 

 

Castiel looked at the miserable expression on the boy's face. He was a good kid, and he tried really hard.

 

 

He stepped forward and took the proffered paper, clapping him on the shoulder for good measure.

 

 

"That's all right Alfie. Thank you."

 

 

He beamed up at Cas and hefted the stack of paperbacks, trotting off to suspense and thrillers.

 

 

Cas watched him go and then glanced down at the message.

 

 

For: Mr. Novak

 

 

From: Dean

 

 

Just wanted to thank you for the shirt. Staying at the Peninsula under the name…? Call me.

 

 

Cas sighed. There was no way they'd let him see Dean without knowing what name he'd checked in under. He briefly contemplated staking out the place before deciding that was too close to stalker territory and decided to try his luck with a phone call.

 

 

"The Peninsula, how may I help you."

 

 

"Uhh, hello. I'm looking for um, Dean Winchester, he called about an hour ago and left a message."  

 

 

"I'm sorry sir, there is no one of that name staying here."

 

 

"Yes I know, see, he left the message with my...assistant who forgot what alias he's staying under but I do know he's using a different name and he did want me to be able to contact him."

 

 

"I'm sorry sir, but without the proper name I cannot connect you to any of our guests. It is a matter of privacy. Our guests choose to stay with us because we take the utmost care to-"

 

 

"Maintain their privacy, yes, I get it." Cas didn't care if he was being rude, this pompous concierge was the only thing standing between him and Dean and he was damned if he was just going to let himself be intimidated. "Look, can't you just-"

 

 

"Mr. Novak! Mr. Novak!"

 

 

"Hold on a second."

 

 

He pulled the receiver down and rested it against his chest as Alfie came hurrying around the shelves.

 

 

"I remember. I remember because my brother got really into Led Zeppelin last year and he would play all their albums and listen for the Lord of the Rings references and he-"

 

 

"Alfie!" Castiel interrupted, trying to drag him back to his point.

 

 

"Right, sorry! John Bonham."

 

 

Cas brought the receiver up to his ear.

 

 

"John Bonham." He said, and waited with bated breath.

 

 

"One moment sir, I'll connect you."

 

 

Cas gulped as the line rang and he rubbed his moistened palms on the tan fabric of his slacks.

 

 

"Hello?" The voice seemed deeper down the line and Castiel almost lost the ability to speak.

 

 

"Hello. Hi. Dean? It's Castiel."

 

 

"Who?"

 

 

For a second, Cas was afraid Dean had changed his mind and was trying to get rid of him before realizing he'd never actually given the man his name.

 

 

"Oh! Right, Novak, Castiel Novak. From the bookstore."

 

 

There was a pause.

 

 

"Your name's Castiel?"

 

 

"Yeah uh, my mom was more than a little obsessed with angels."

 

 

"Hmmm, it suits you."

 

 

He wasn't sure if that was meant to be a compliment or not but he answered with a sincere, "Thanks." Regardless.

 

 

"Anyway," Dean continued, "I just wanted to call and say thanks, and sorry if I came across as a bit of a douche the other day."

 

 

"What? No, not at all. If anything, I should be apologizing for coming across as a crazed weirdo."

 

 

There was laughter down the line, deep and full bellied. Castiel basked in it.

 

 

"Well, if that was you as a crazed weirdo, then I liked it."

 

 

Cas felt a blush rise in his cheeks.

 

 

"Anyway, I was wondering if you could stop by the hotel. So I can thank you properly and return the shirt."

 

 

"I said you could keep it." Cas reminded him.

 

 

"Come on man, I can't deprive you of such an awesome shirt."

 

 

Cas was ready with another argument before his brain chipped in with _are you seriously going to pass on another chance to see Dean Winchester?_

 

 

"Okay. I can come tomorrow, around noon if that works."

 

 

"Great. It's the Peninsula hotel, the Peninsula Suite.”

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

Castiel took in a deep, steadying breath and pulled his fingers through his hair, wishing just once that it would do something other than ‘unmanageable’. It was no use, Cas could see himself from all angles in the mirrored elevator and it still stood up in every direction. The elevator was private and, apart from the usual open, shut, and emergency buttons, the display had only three floor options; Parking, Lobby, and Suite.

 

 

He gulped.

 

 

He’d stayed in a total of one hotel in his entire life and that had been in The Chicago Hilton on his honeymoon. He’d stayed there for five days and, by the end of the week, he’d had himself convinced that everyone’s first time was disappointing and that it was bound to get better from there. It hadn’t.

 

 

The elevator door pinged and Cas stepped out into the foyer. The floor was black marble and so shiny he could almost see his unmanageable hair reflected in it and the walls were…he moved closer and reached out a hand to touch it. Yep, the walls were suede.

 

 

Someone close by cleared their throat and Cas turned to see a skinny guy in a well tailored suit and aviator sunglasses standing at ease a few feet away.

 

 

“Oh!” Cas stepped back, wondering if he could pass off what he had been doing to the wall as anything other than stroking, but figured it wasn’t worth trying, “Umm, I’m here to see Dean? Dean Winchester?”

 

 

“A likely story.” The man drawled, “Now why don’t you turn around and spread ‘em.”

 

 

“What? I don’t—”

 

 

“Spread ‘em!”

 

 

“Okay! Okay!” He turned, heart racing. Perhaps there had been a mistake. Perhaps he had gotten the room wrong or the hotel. Maybe the whole thing and been a prank. Gabriel was certainly devious enough to think something like this up and Balthazar could easily have been bored enough to go along with it. He was already resigned to having a full cavity search when footsteps sounded.

 

 

“Garth! For Christ’s sake, this is that bookstore dude I told you was coming.”

 

 

“But Dean,” ‘Garth’ protested, “He might be—”

 

 

“What? He might be what? Huh? A teenage girl wanting to get a selfie with me? A middle aged woman claiming that my movies got her through her divorce? Seriously man, this guy’s harmless.

 

 

“I was thinking more along the lines of Mark David Chapman.” Garth muttered.

 

 

“He’s not going to shoot me Garth. Ca—uh Castiel, you can turn around now.”

 

 

Cas turned, lowering his hands as he did so. Dean was standing barefoot in the entrance to the foyer, jeans riding low on his hips, a white henley under a plaid shirt completing the ensemble.

 

 

Garth stood off to the side looking like his favourite chew toy had been taken away.

 

 

“Sorry about him.” Dean greeted, “He’s new. And a little overenthusiastic.”

 

 

Cas tried for a laugh, just to show that he wasn’t bothered, but it was a little difficult with his heart still in his throat.

 

 

“Thanks for coming man, come on in.” He turned and Cas followed, giving Garth a wide berth, and stumbled to a halt when he entered the living room.

 

 

It was huge. There was a piano. Through the window he could see a patio and beyond, the lake. He spun in a slow circle, trying to take it in. Everything was bright and overstuffed and decadent. Amelia would have called it sinful. He caught a glimpse of Dean out of the corner of his eyes and pulled his jaw up off the floor.

 

 

Dean was smirking at him.

 

 

"What do you think?" He asked, Castiel could almost imagine a tone of temptation underscoring the words.

 

 

"This is..." He trailed off, unable to find the words for what it was.

 

 

"Yeah. Have to agree with you on that one." Dean answered, "Come on!"

 

 

Castiel followed him through the living room into a slightly smaller living room and from there into the bedroom where Dean picked up Cas' freshly laundered t-shirt and handed it to him. It was folded and crease free.

 

 

"Here you go."

 

 

Cas looked down at the shirt. It smelt faintly of tetrachloroethylene.

 

 

"Was this dry cleaned?"

 

 

Dean shrugged.

 

 

"I dunno, I sent it out to have it washed."

 

 

Cas glanced back down at it and nodded.

 

 

"Well, thank you." He gestured with the shirt and smiled.

 

 

"No, thank you. I wanted to apologize actually, I'm pretty sure I acted like a jerk and I'm really not. Sometimes I can be a bit of an ass, well, a huge ass actually but, I'm not a jerk and I guess I just wanted you to know that." He trailed off lamely and silence filled the space before Cas shrugged.

 

 

"Well, I can't really blame you since I did pour frozen coffee all over you."

 

 

Dean shrugged.

 

 

"Wasn't the first time I've had drinks spilled on me, accidentally or on purpose, and besides it wasn't your fault. Plus it was pretty hot out and it was kind of refreshing."

 

 

He flashed a brilliant smile and Cas momentarily forgot what they were doing in favour of staring at what that action did to his face.

 

 

He started when he realized he had been staring at Dean’s mouth for god knows how long and he cleared his throat, ducking his head so his blush might go unnoticed and shifted where he stood.

 

 

“Thank you.” He nodded, “For giving me the shirt back. I uh…guess I’d better be going.”

 

 

“Do you have somewhere to be?” Dean asked, a frown gracing his features.

 

 

“No.” He answered simply and Dean smirked.

 

 

“Then why so quick to rush off?”

 

 

Cas shrugged.

 

 

“I didn’t want to take up any more of your time.”

 

 

Dean scoffed.

 

 

“Please. I didn’t invite you up here just to give you the shirt back, I could just as easily dropped it off at your shop or your house.” He leaned in conspiratorially, "I know where you live you know."

 

 

Cas cocked his head in confusion.

 

 

“Then why did you invite me up here.”

 

 

He shrugged.

 

 

“To apologize.”

 

 

“Which you’ve done.”

 

 

“Okay fine, you’ve see through my pretence. Now will you come out onto the porch and enjoy the spectacular view with me? ‘Cause to be honest, I’m tired of doing it alone.”

 

 

To be fair, the view was spectacular, the vast expanse of Lake Michigan stretching off into the hazy distance and the towers and skyscrapers standing tall and shining in the noonday sun. They chatted about meaningless things, the weather, politics, the economy before both realized neither had any interest in those subjects and they moved on to slightly more personal topics. Cas told Dean about the history of his bookstore and Dean told him about his upcoming projects. They explored the suite. There was a dining room, fitness area, fireplace, guest rooms, massive tub,and an outdoor jacuzzi.

 

 

“Wow.” Was all Cas could muster by the time he slumped into one of the many sofas. It was as comfortable as it had looked.

 

 

“Yeah.” Dean agreed, dropping down into a nearby chair. “No matter how many swanky places I get put up in, I still can’t quite get over it.”

 

 

Cas restrained himself from commenting. Despite the fact that Dean was notoriously tightlipped about his past in interviews, he’d still let the occasional comment slip and from what little the media had pieced together, it didn’t paint a very pretty picture of a well-adjusted American family. Cas knew it involved abject poverty and a lot of moving around but he didn’t bring it up because he really didn't want to put a damper on what was turning out to be a pretty nice afternoon and also, he didn’t really want Dean to know how much of a fan he really was. At least not yet.

 

 

“Say, Cas, I was thinking.” Castiel looked up, “You wanna grab a bite? Maybe take in a show? I got nothing on the roster tonight and it’d be nice to have a Chicago native show me the sights.”

 

 

Cas grinned. Dean wanted to spend more time with him. Dean was enjoying his company.

 

 

“Sure that’d be great.” He agreed, before remembering the date and realizing that, no, he had a previous engagement, “Shit. No, I can’t I’m sorry…I have this thing. Family thing. It’s my sister’s birthday.”

 

 

Dean nodded and Cas wondered whether or not the look of disappointment was wishful thinking when he blurted out.

 

 

“You’re welcome to come.”

 

 

Dean blinked at him.

 

 

“Really? I don’t want to intrude.”

 

 

Cas shook his head, “No not at all, the more the merrier. Seriously you wouldn’t be intruding. And my family is really nice. Well, this part is, the rest of them…” He shrugged, “Seriously you’d be more than welcome.”

 

 

Dean shrugged.

 

 

“Alright.”

 

 

Cas beamed.

 

 

“Great, I’ve got to go home and change but how about I pick you up at six?”

 

 

Dean nodded and then narrowed his eyes.

 

 

“Wait, what kind of car do you drive?”

 

 

“A Pruis.” He answered, “Why?”

 

 

“Nu uh. There’s no way I’m getting into an estrogen tank on wheels. We’re taking my car.”

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed and favourited and followed! My life is in a bit of an upheaval at the moment and every single alert I get makes dealing with this a lot easier.
> 
> Also, just so you know, I have never been to Chicago. All geographical information I have gained from Google.
> 
> Read on!

"It's just here."

 

Dean glanced up at the house Cas was indicating and pulled into a smooth parallel with the curb, killing the engine and glancing over with a smile.

 

"So? What do you think?"

 

"What do I think about what?"

 

Dean threw his hands up.

 

"About the car dude?"

 

"Oh!" He scanned his eyes over the console, the radio that still only featured a tape deck, the black leather seats that were comfy but probably scorching in the sun, and back up to Dean who was sitting in the driver's seat, waiting in anticipation.

 

Cas smiled.

 

"She's beautiful Dean. You clearly love this car a great deal. She is well cared for."

 

Dean blushed and unbuckled his seat belt.

 

"Thanks Cas."

 

The drive down had been invigorating, surging down Lake Shore in the black muscle car, Dean guiding her smoothly in and out of traffic as though he were controlling her telepathically. The engine purred and even Cas, who knew nothing about cars, could tell that this one was special.

 

Along the way, Cas filled Dean in on a few details. The gathering was to celebrate his littlest sister's birthday. Her name was Charlie and she was turning twenty-five and of all the Novak children (of which there were six along with an abundance of cousins), she was adopted.

 

"My parents couldn't really help themselves." Cas explained as Dean turned off into Hyde Park, navigating the smaller roads with just as much ease and style as he did the highway, "After they had Michael, Lucifer—"

 

"You have a brother named Lucifer?"

 

Cas shrugged.

 

"They wanted to continue the angel theme. Anyway, then they had Gabriel and Anna - Anael - and me and then once we had all grown up and flown the coop, my mom found Charlie. She was sitting alone and crying in a hospital waiting room. My mom was a nurse and she just sat with her. A car accident had taken her parents and she had no other family. She was only twelve, so mom just kind of adopted her on the spot." He smiled at the memory of his mother, "She always did love bringing home strays.

 

"Anyway. Charlie and Anna and Gabriel will be there tonight as well as Anna's husband Inias."

 

A frown crossed Dean's features.

 

"What about the other two? Michael and Lucifer?"

 

Cas was silent. It was not a topic he enjoyed thinking about, let alone rehashing to famous movie stars he had just met.

 

"It's a long story." He said with a note of finality.

 

Dean nodded and swiftly changed the subject to the Chicago Cubs. Cas smiled and nodded along, enjoying listening to Dean talk and not caring that he had absolutely no interest in sports.

 

They approached the door and Cas rang the bell, his heart jumping and his palms sweating the moment it sounded.

 

"Umm, just, in advance, I want to apologize. They're wonderful but they can be…I mean…"

 

"Hey." Dean stopped his rambling with a steady hand on his shoulder. "It's alright. I got family too. Sort of. At any rate, I know what you mean."

 

Cas smiled and would have been in great danger of getting lost in Dean's eyes again if the door hadn't opened and a red haired blur that was Charlie hadn't mobbed him.

 

"CASSIE!"

 

Cas grunted and stumbled under the unexpected weight but hugged her back tightly.

 

"Happy Birthday Charlene."

 

They broke apart and she punched him on the arm.

 

"It's Charlie Cas, or Charles. None of this Charlene bullshit. And thanks." She stared up at him with an adoring grin.

 

Cas smiled back and glanced over at Dean.

 

"Charlie, I want you to meet a friend of mine. This is—"

 

But Charlie was already way ahead of him.

 

"Holy shit you're Dean Winchester."

 

Dean chuckled, "Uhh, yeah. Happy Birthday."

 

She stared between the two of them and then punched Cas again on the arm.

 

"Have you been holding out on me Cassie?"

 

"First of all ow." Cas protested, rubbing his arm, "Second of all no. We just met the other day."

 

She glanced back over at Dean, staring like she couldn't quite believe he was there.

 

"I have a poster of you hanging in my room right now."

 

Dean's eyebrows raised.

 

"Oh? What film?"

 

"Time and Away."

 

Dean nodded appreciatively, "Good choice."

 

Charlie shook her head.

 

"This is so weird. But good! Good weird."

 

A voice shouted from inside the house.

 

"Hey Chuck! You ever gonna let him in?"

 

"Them!" She shouted back, moving out of the way so Cas and Dean could step inside. "Cas brought a date!"

 

Cas opened his mouth to protest the word 'date' but Gabriel had already sprinted into the room.

 

"Cassie brought a date?! Wha—" He skidded to a halt, staring open mouthed at Dean, "Holy crap on a cracker it's true."

 

"What?! You knew about this and you didn't tell me?!" Charlie yelled back.

 

"Lord, will you guys quit with all the fighting, what is going on in here." Another red headed woman strode in, wiping her hands on the apron she had tied around her waist. She too stopped short and stared at Dean.

 

Cas rolled his eyes.

 

"Guys, this is Dean. He is not my date, he's just…" he trailed off and glanced over, "He's my friend. Dean, this is Gabriel and Anna."

 

Dean stepped forward with an outstretched hand and a smile.

 

"Hey, how's it going?"

 

Gabe and Anna were speechless as they each in turn took Dean's hand. Anna was the first to recover.

 

"Well, it's very nice to meet you Dean. Come in, can I get you a drink?"

 

"Do you have beer?" He asked as they moved into the kitchen.

 

Gabriel watched them go and then turned a beaming smile onto Cas, swatting him playfully on the shoulder.

 

"Cas! You got game! Who knew? Oh! I have got to text Bal." He turned and pulled out his phone, disappearing into the living room.

 

Charlie stretched to kiss his cheek.

 

"Best birthday present ever." She proclaimed before scurrying into the kitchen.

 

Alone in the foyer, Cas rubbed his arm. Inias still had yet to show up. He might end up needing serious medical attention by the end of the night.

 

Thankfully, Inias was a little more subtle and gracious in his introduction to Dean, masking his surprise with a handshake and a smile. Armed with a beer, Dean settled next to where Cas leant against the kitchen counter, chatting amiably with everyone and indulging everybody's questions with endless patience.

 

The meal was excellent, Anna's skills in the kitchen matched only by Gabriel's savant-like talents with baking, and when, at the end of the night, he pulled out a cake with a picture of Charlie dressed in armour, wielding a sword and astride a horse, everyone applauded though only Dean was surprised.

 

"Gabriel owns a bakery just down the street from the shop." Cas explained quietly as Charlie closed her eyes and wished furiously. Dean nodded and turned to face him before Cas had a chance to pull back. Their noses nearly touched and up close, Cas found himself mesmerized by the smattering of freckles that covered his face and the length of his eyelashes, how they brushed his cheeks when he blinked.

 

For a split second, the whole world fell away and it was just two of them, sharing space and breath, caught in an eternal moment. That was broken by Charlie's loud voice.

 

"Alright! Alright!" Charlie spoke up over the din, waiting for the chatter to die down before continuing. "Now that we have supped and imbibed, I think everyone here would like to know how these two met." She gestured at Dean and Cas with her half full wine glass and cheers went up from around the table.

 

"I already heard from Cas," Gabriel, said, passing out pieces of the cake. He glanced up from his work and stared at Dean, "I want to hear Dean's side of the story."

 

Everybody cheered again and Cas ducked his head.

 

"You don't have to if you don't want to." Cas whispered under the din, it was actually astounding how much noise could be made by such a small group of people.

 

Dean chuckled and patted Cas' thigh under the table, "It's alright, I don't mind."

 

Cas didn't quite catch the beginning of the story.

 

…

 

Charlie opened her presents slowly and deliberately, giving each her undivided attention and plying each gift-giver with thanks and a hug. She was especially pleased with Dean's gift of an as of yet unreleased Utopia hoodie and poster that she shrieked over before attack-hugging him. The gift was Castiel's idea, Dean had wanted to buy jewelry or a purse but Cas had managed to convince him that Charlie would appreciate this much more.

 

Once all the presents had been opened and the gift givers suitably thanked, Gabriel piped up with, "Alright, who gets the last slice of cake?"

 

"Don't you think it should go to Charlie since it's her birthday?" Inias piped up to which Charlie added a boisterous "Yeah!"

 

"You had thirds." Gabriel pointed out, "I think you've had your fill."

 

"Well what about you Gabriel?" Anna piped up, ."You baked it, you deserve dibs."

 

"No he doesn't!" Charlie argued, "If he baked it, that means he ate half the frosting and licked the bowl clean."

 

"Alright, alright." Gabriel contended, "Well how about you, sis?" He asked Anna who shook her head.

 

"Oh no. I've had enough. If I eat anything else I'm going to explode out of this dress."

 

"I think it should go to Cassie."

 

All heads turned to Charlie.

 

"What? Why him?" Inias asked, only slightly annoyed he hadn't been included.

 

"Because his life is so sad." She explained.

 

"Gee, thanks Charlene." Cas shot back to which Charlie stuck out her tongue.

 

"Not in a bad way." She explained as though it would help.

 

"In what way is 'sad' good?" He asked.

 

"I just meant that it's not your fault and you don't deserve it. You don't deserve a bookshop that's slowly failing or an ex-wife who won't let you see your daughter or that pervert for a roommate."

 

"Yes thank you Charlie. Thank you for summing up the sadness that is my life. Fine I will take the cake if only to shut you up." He was reaching for the plate when Dean piped up.

 

"Hey, what about me?"

 

The whole table froze as though they'd forgotten he was there.

 

"What do you mean 'what about you'?" Gabriel asked with incredulity.

 

Dean shrugged.

 

"Don't I get a shot at the cake?"

 

Gabriel raised an eyebrow and glanced around the group before sitting back and gesturing for him to continue.

 

"Vey well, state your case."

 

Dean shifted and shrugged.

 

"Both my parents are dead."

 

Everyone at the table exchanged glances and Inias piped up with, "Yeah, join the club. What else you got?"

 

Dean nodded as though preparing himself.

 

"The only real friends I have are a skinny guy named Garth and a burly Cajun named Benny who coordinate my security. I've got a brother I don't talk to and a sister in law I've met once. People assume because of my looks that I have no depth and they're probably right which means that one day, the only talent I have will be gone and I'll just be another forgotten celebrity on some pathetic reality show trying to pay the bills and recapture a time when I was famous."

 

The table fell silent following his speech, each and every one of them locking eyes.

 

"Nope! Not buying it!" Charlie proclaimed as she handed the slice of cake over to Cas who ate it with a smug smile plastered to his face.

 

Dean conceded gallantly.

 

...

 

The party wound down eventually, conversations falling off as the bottles of wine emptied and yawns sprang up from around the table. Then the business of bidding everyone goodnight began, Charlie coming round for a second long hug from Dean and passing it off as 'the birthday girl's prerogative'. Anna took advantage of the fact that Dean was busy being seen off by Inias and Gabriel to pull Castiel aside.

 

"What?" He asked as she tugged him by the elbow into the hall that lead to the kitchen.

 

She stopped and didn't speak at first, just stood surveying him.

 

"Are you sure you know what you're doing Castiel?" She asked with a typical concerned older sister tone.

 

Cas frowned.

 

"What are you talking about Anna?"

 

She sighed and looked down the hall to where Dean was chuckling.

 

"Dean seems lovely. And it's nice to see you finally branching out and meeting new people but I...I just don't want you to get your hopes up too much. I know how much you like him and I know enough not to believe everything you read in those gossip magazines, but Dean Winchester's exploits with women are notorious and I just don't want to see you get hurt."

 

Cas sighed and looked over at Dean. He was standing near the west facing window and the setting sun was illuminating his face, lighting up his dark blonde hair and casting his head in a halo, his eyes sparkling in the light. He smiled wistfully before turning back to Anna.

 

"I know Anna. I have no illusions about Dean. I don't expect anything to come of this. I just…" He trailed off and looked back as Dean smiled at something Gabriel had said, "I'm just enjoying it while it lasts."

 

Anna smiled at him and pulled him in for a bone crunching hug.

 

"I love you Cassie." She murmured into his hair, "I know life has been hard lately but I'm so proud of you." She pulled back, her hazel eyes distinctly moist and she laughed in the face of her emotional upheaval.

 

Cas smiled.

 

"I love you too."

 

…

 

"So…" Dean began once they were back in the Impala and the engine had roared to life. "You have an ex wife and a kid."

 

Cas chucked nervously.

 

"Yeah. I uh, I probably should have briefed you on a few things before subjecting you to my family. They can be a little intense sometimes."

 

Dean shrugged, and he grinned easily, tension flowing out of his body now that he was away from the hungry mob. Or perhaps it was an effect of the car. The way Dean spoke about her and steered her made him think she was more than just a machine to him.

 

"Family ought to be like that." He murmured enigmatically. "So, you gonna tell me about them?"

 

He glanced over expectantly and Castiel nodded obligingly.

 

"I met Amelia when I was very young. We went to the same church and were involved in the same youth outreach program. When we were old enough to be invited to the church socials, it was pretty much expected of me to ask her. And when I graduated from University, I went shopping for a ring and that was that. There was no question, there was no alternative. I kept waiting for things to get…better. And they did, when Claire was born and I held her for the first time, it all seemed…worth it.

 

"A few years after my Dad handed the reigns of the shop over to me, he had a stroke. It was very sudden and it made me reexamine a lot of things. I started to think about my life and what I would have to show for it when the end came. Sure there was the shop and Claire…but I felt like something was missing. Like something didn't fit. It took me an embarrassingly long time to figure it out and when I finally sat Amelia down and explained that I was…gay, she couldn't accept it. She tried to convince me that I was 'sick' that just needed 'help' and when I refused, she threatened to take Claire away from me. And she did. I haven't seen my daughter in nine months. To make things worse, the whole situation has divided my family down the middle. You met the ones who sided with me tonight."

 

He trailed off and tried to ignore the burning behind his eyes. He would not cry in the presence of Dean Winchester. The man probably thought he was a wuss anyway.

 

"That sucks." Dean murmured and Cas glanced over and smiled softly.

 

"I'm not completely innocent in all of it, but thanks."

 

They drove in silence for a while, the windows rolled down and the cool evening air invigorating Cas as they sped along Lake Shore Drive. It was a comfortable silence which surprised Castiel since he wasn't generally comfortable being in the company of anyone. But with Dean, it just seemed right somehow. He felt calm in his presence, for once not feeling pressure to be anyone or anything. He was free to just be Cas.

 

They hadn't been driving long when they turned off the main road and Dean navigated the exits until they were parked in the north end of Burnham Park and Dean was exiting the car.

 

He ducked down and peered in at Cas who hadn't moved.

 

"You coming?"

 

"Coming where?" Cas muttered to himself as Dean straightened and slammed the door.

 

Cas unbuckled his seat belt and stood, shutting the door and joining Dean as he locked the car and began moving toward the lake.

 

"Where are we going?" He asked as they walked along the grass, the lake stretching out in front of them as the sun set behind.

 

"You've never taken an after dinner stroll?" Dean asked with a smile.

 

Cas shrugged.

 

"Sure I have. It's just you don't seem like the stroll type."

 

Dean laughed, and Cas was pleased to see that he did indeed laugh with his whole body, head thrown back in mirth. The sight and sound warmed Cas' heart.

 

They walked to the water's edge, looking north to the city skyline that was bathed in an orange glow and then turned south for a bit until Dean slowed to a stop and plunked himself down on the steps that followed the manmade shore line. Cas took a seat beside him.

 

"My mom died when I was four."

 

His voice was soft, quiet. Lacking in the self-assuredness that normally coloured it.

 

Cas didn't comment, just glanced over, giving him his full attention.

 

"A fuse shorted and…" He trailed of and snapped his fingers, "The fire started in my brother's nursery. Mom woke up, Dad was asleep downstairs. It was the shouting that woke me. I ran into the hallway and Dad came out of the smoke with Sam - he was only six-months - and he pushed him into my arms and told me to run. So I ran. And I stood out on the lawn, waiting…but she never made it out."

 

He was staring off into the distance, out across the vast expanse of lake as the light dimmed.

 

"After that Dad sort of…faded away. Like he was there, but he wasn't. Didn't help that he was seeing the world through a steady stream of bottles. I think he felt like he wasn't cut out to be a parent without mom so he just fell back on what he knew, which was being a soldier. He was a marine, served in Vietnam, and that's how we were raised, like we were recruits, not his children. So it fell to me to look after Sam, feed him, clothe him. Dad would go off looking for work and leave us for days on end. I tried my best but it must not have been enough cause the minute he was old enough, Sammy was off like a shot. Full ride to Stanford and he didn't speak to me for three years. Dad got even more distant after that, like it had been my fault that Sam left. And then I was on my own and broke.

 

"I was sitting in a diner just outside LA when I was approached by a scout for a modelling agency. It was pretty stupid, but it paid the bills and I kept getting calls so I kept doing it. Got an apartment, settled in. When I landed my first major spread I sent it to Dad. He called me up to congratulate me on becoming a painted whore." He smiled bitterly and Castiel frowned, "A few months later he was gone. Liver failure. I saw Sammy at the funeral for the first time since he'd left but he had someone already and he was happy, away from me. So he went back to Law school and I went back to the City of Angels and transitioned smoothly from modelling to acting. I guess I got enough practice pretending to be someone else growing up, trying to pretend I was my dad's good little soldier boy."

 

He fell silent, staring out at the water for another long moment before the spell was broken and he laughed.

 

"I've never told anyone the whole story before." He turned to look at Cas, "You're a good listener you know that?"

 

Cas smiled.

 

"Thank you for telling me Dean."

 

"No problem Cas." He shifted forward and let his clasped hands hang between his knees. "It's refreshing, talking to you."

 

"Why?" He asked with a frown.

 

"'Cause you're real. You get famous and people start wanting things from you, so they lie. It gets to the point where you can't even tell what's true anymore. Tonight was great 'cause it was real. Those people, your family, they were real. The love was real."

 

"That's very depressing Dean."

 

He chuckled, eyes crinkling at the corner. Cas liked it, would like to see more of it.

 

"Sorry to be such a downer."

 

"No, it's alright, fits right into my life."

 

Dean looked over.

 

"Yeah, aren't we a couple of sad sacks. A movie star and a guy with a loving family."

 

Cas frowned thoughtfully.

 

"Well, when you put it that way…"

 

They sat until the sun went down. Cas found Dean's hand in the dark and squeezed it, just to let him know he was still there.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Cas was sitting perched at the kitchen counter, head propped up on his hand as he scanned the paper over his coffee and cornflakes, when Balthazar strode in, bathrobe flaring out behind him dramatically as only Balthazar was able to do as he made a beeline for the coffee. Once he had taken the first sip and relaxed back against the counter with a sigh, he fixed Cas with an expectant stare.

 

 

"What?" Cas asked, face growing warm under the scrutiny. 

 

 

"How'd your date with the movie star go last night?"

 

 

Cas rolled his eyes and went back to the sports section. "It wasn't a date Balthazar."

 

 

"You two had dinner together did you not?"

 

 

"Yes, but half my family was there as well."

 

 

"But you drove down and back together. And you spent sometime alone in his hotel room ." He smirked and raised a lascivious eyebrow.

 

 

Cas rolled his eyes in the face of his roommate’s suggestive expression.

 

 

"I just went there to get my shirt back okay? Nothing happened. And nothing is going to happen Balth, we're just friends. Not even, acquaintances. Nothing more."

 

 

He stood to pass Balthazar with his bowl and mug on the way to the sink when the Englishman stopped him with a hand on his shoulder."

 

 

"Look Castiel." He said in an uncharacteristically serious tone. "I know I haven't met him in person, but this," he held up his phone and showed it to Cas, "is not the face of a man looking at his friend."

 

 

Cas took the phone. It showed a picture from last night's dinner, one he suspected Gabriel of taking, of Dean looking over at Cas while he spoke with someone off camera. Dean was staring at Cas with intensity, hanging on his words, a smile on his lips and light in his eyes, and Cas found himself smiling softly at it. He tapped the screen a few times and the phone in his pocket buzzed with the incoming picture and he continued to stare, caught up in the expression on Dean's face. And then he realized what he was doing and shook his head as though trying to snap himself out of it. It was a photo. A moment in time. It didn't prove anything, all it did was lend fire to the already absurd crush he had on the man.

 

 

He handed the phone back.

 

 

"That doesn't mean anything Balthazar. Besides, Dean's straight. Notoriously so."

 

 

Balthazar scoffed and rolled his eyes.

 

 

"Please! Did you see that E! interview with Aaron Bass? You could cut the sexual tension with a knife. If Dean Winchester is a hundred percent hetero, I'm a fucking nun."

 

 

And with that, he swept out of the kitchen leaving Cas with thoughts that followed him to the bookshop and stayed with him as he sat through yet another barren Monday.

 

 

He was so involved with his daydreams of forest coloured eyes and strong hands that he didn't register the bell tinkling and only realized there was another person in the store when a voice clearing broke him out of his reverie.

 

 

He looked up and into the eyes of the object of his distraction.

 

 

"You always this observant?" Dean asked with a cheeky smile.

 

 

Cas chuckled.

 

 

"No. A customer is such a rarity, I'm usually on them in seconds."  

 

 

Dean leaned his forearms on the counter, threading his fingers together into fists, and cocked his head.

 

 

"Well then, aren't I special."

 

 

Cas smiled and shifted a few papers around to distract himself from the fact that Dean's face, Dean's lips, were right there and, instead, cleared his throat and asked, "So, what are you doing here? Looking for a birthday present for another estranged relative?"

 

 

Dean shrugged, "Well, Bobby's birthday isn't until August but I suppose it wouldn't help to scope out some possibilities." He turned back to Cas, "But no, actually I was bored at the hotel so I thought I'd come hang out with you for a bit."

 

 

Cas blinked.

 

 

"Me? Why? Don't you have other people to see? Don't you have like a..." He fished for the word, "An entourage? Or a posse? Or something?"

 

 

Dean laughed, deep and rich.

 

 

"Me? No. Never really been one for all that. I like people well enough but I'm not great at keeping friendships." He shrugged, as though wanting to convey that it was no big deal but his eyes said otherwise, “Fallout from my childhood I suppose, we kept leaving places so much it became easier not to get attached."

 

 

Cas' heart broke a little for the man.

 

 

"That...kind of sucks." He said.

 

 

Dean grinned and shrugged.

 

 

"I'm used to it. But I like you Cas, even if you are kind of weird."

 

 

Cas smiled, taking it as the compliment it was meant to be.

 

 

...

 

 

Dean ended up hanging around for the next few hours and showed no signs of leaving. For a while he perched on the counter, attempting to distract Cas while he was trying to get some accounting done. He seemed to tire of it quickly though when Cas wouldn't respond to his tactics so he contented himself with wandering the store, picking up the occasional book and flipping through it. Cas found him at around two in the afternoon sitting on the couch and flipping through a large book on vintage cars. He looked up as Cas came over and held it up for him to see.

 

 

"Look, my baby's famous." He proclaimed with a wide smile, pride gleaming in his eyes.

 

 

Cas took the book and settled down on the couch beside Dean. He ran his fingers over the glossy photograph of the 1967 Chevy Impala that gleamed in the sunlight.

 

 

"You really love your car." He murmured, and glanced up to see Dean nod.

 

 

"She was my home you know? The only thing that stayed the same no matter where we went. I grew up in that car. Learned to drive in it. Taught Sammy to drive in it. When I turned nineteen, my dad gave her to me." He smiled, "I was so excited."

 

 

He stopped and looked back down at the page. Cas stared at Dean a beat longer, taking in the love he could see in his eyes and his face and his words before allowing his own to fall to the page as well.

 

 

...

 

 

"Is that your dad?"

 

 

Cas had just finished with a customer and Dean was leaning against the counter and looking up at the pictures hung behind the till.

 

 

"Yes." Cas answered, "That was the day he officially handed ownership of the store over to me."

 

 

He smiled up at the photograph and at the memories of his father that still imbued the store with a special kind of magic.

 

 

"Why was it you that got the store?"

 

 

Cas shrugged.

 

 

"I always showed the most interest. All of us at one point or another worked here, but Michael wanted to be a lawyer and Lucifer was dead set on being a surgeon. Gabriel went off to pastry school and Anna became quite a good photographer."

 

 

"What about Charlie? What does she do?"

 

 

"She's a tech genius. About three months after she moved in with mom and dad she hacked into this gaming company's website, stole a game, reprogrammed it, and released it for free. She probably would have been arrested if it hadn't been for Michael."

 

 

Dean raised an eyebrow.

 

 

"Holy shit."

 

 

"Yeah."

 

 

"So it's just you and that eager kid I talked to?"

 

 

"Oh, Alfie? He helps on weekends. Otherwise it's just me. Gabriel comes in sometimes when he's bored. Often he'll open because he gets to the bakery at like four o'clock in the morning. I swear it's like the guy's allergic to sleep."

 

 

Dean chuckled.

 

 

Just then, as though he'd been summoned, Gabriel stepped through the door, pulling off his sunglasses and smirking when he caught sight of Dean.

 

 

"Baby bro, Dean," He greeted, "look at you two, you're inseparable. It's cute."

 

 

Cas rolled his eyes.

 

 

"What are you doing here Gabriel?"

 

 

"Relieving you so you can get out of this place for five seconds before you go insane from inhaling too many fumes from all the old books. Go! Before the bakery closes."

 

 

Cas glanced over at Dean.

 

 

"You hungry?

 

 

Dean shrugged.

 

 

"I could eat.”

 

 

Cas moved to the door, holding it open for Dean to pass through as Gabriel settled behind the desk, a smug smile gracing his face.

 

 

Castiel noticed the stares the moment they stepped out of the store and began the short walk to Gabriel's bakery. For someone who was used to moving through life unnoticed, it was downright unsettling to have every other person who walked by see them, stare unabashedly, and, in the case of there being more than one person walking together, begin whispering to each other the moment they'd passed. By the time they reached Angel Cakes, Cas was glad to be in the familiar space.

 

 

"Is it like that all the time for you?" He asked Dean quietly as they stepped inside.

 

 

Dean shrugged.

 

 

"You get used to it." He answered.

 

 

Somehow, Cas didn't quite believe him.

 

 

They approached the register, the cashier looking up as they reached the counter.

 

 

"Hey Kevin," Cas greeted, "how's school?”

 

 

Kevin smiled and shrugged. 

 

 

"Hey Cas, school's good, you know, the usual.”

 

 

“Good, good.” He turned and gestured to Dean, “This is—”

 

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Kevin interrupted, with a bored nod, “Dean Winchester. I know. Gabriel told me.”

 

 

Dean started and then smiled.

 

 

"I like you. You got any pie?"

 

 

Dean ended up getting a slice of apple while Cas was given a bowl of soup and a crusty piece of bread by Kevin who threatened to rat him out to his brother on pain of death if he didn't eat the whole thing.

 

 

Dean smirked the whole way to the table and Cas sighed as he set the bowl and plate down.

 

 

"Sometimes I get so focused on work that I forget to eat." He explained, "When I was in the middle of the divorce, I was so distracted and stressed that I didn't eat for five days. Gabriel was there when I passed out. Ever since then he's been a little overbearing when it comes to getting me to eat."

 

 

Dean shrugged.

 

 

"That's what older brothers are for." He said simply and then he took a bite of his pie and his eyes fluttered closed in delight and he moaned, a sound that shot straight to Castiel's lower regions and made him very glad that they were now sitting down.

 

 

"It's good I take it?" He asked with a smile.

 

 

Dean nodded.

 

 

"Almost the best I've ever had."

 

 

Cas raised an eyebrow.

 

 

"Almost?"

 

 

Dean shrugged.

 

 

"My mom used to make pie." He said by way of explanation.

 

 

Cas nodded knowingly.

 

 

"I used to make bread with Claire."

 

 

Dean looked up from his pastry.

 

 

"How old is she?"

 

 

"She'll be ten in July." He rifled around in his pocket and pulled out his wallet, taking out the picture he kept in there and handing it to Dean.

 

 

He looked, a smile gracing his features, before handing it back.

 

 

"She looks like a good kid."

 

 

Cas nodded, staring down at the daughter he hadn't seen in nearly a year.

 

 

"Yeah." He murmured, slipping it back in with the bills and receipts.

 

 

They ate silently for a while, Dean engrossed in his pie and Castiel trying not to think about his daughter.

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

Once Dean had collected all the stray crumbs on his plate and Cas had wiped the soup bowl clean with the last of his bread, they stood to return their plates to the counter and turned to each other.

 

 

"Well," Cas began awkwardly, "I've got to get back to the store."

 

 

Dean nodded.

 

 

"I uh, I’ve actually got some stuff to do, promotions for the film, interviews and all that."

 

 

Cas' heart sank a little. He knew Dean's continued company was too good to be true.

 

 

"But after, do you wanna maybe get some dinner?"

 

 

Cas perked up.

 

 

"Really? You just spent half the day with me in the shop and you still want to hang out?"

 

 

Dean chuckled.

 

 

"Why do you think so little of yourself Cas? Is it so unbelievable to you that someone might enjoy the pleasure of your company?"

 

 

"It's a hangover from Catholic school." Cas explained with a shrug. "Plus my life recently hasn't exactly been brimming with social engagements."

 

 

"Well then, we should fix that. I'll pick you up at your place at seven. Sound good?"

 

 

Cas could do nothing but nod.

 

 

…

 

 

“Why don’t you talk to your brother?”

 

 

They’d finished dinner. Cas had assumed Dean would want to go somewhere fancy and expensive, but when Cas had asked what he was in the mood for, Dean had said burgers, so here they were at a dingy, greasy spoon that sold the best burger Chicago had to offer (in Castiel’s humble opinion).

 

 

Dean blanched at the question and set down his scrunched napkin, taking a long pull from his second beer.

 

 

"You don't have to answer." Cas hastily amended, "I was just...wondering."

 

 

Dean cleared his throat and looked up at Castiel, seeming to deliberate for a moment before glancing away out the window.

 

 

"My dad didn't want Sam going to college. I don't really know why. Maybe because he didn't go, maybe because he was protective of Sam and didn't want him out of his sight." He shrugged, "Whatever the reason, they got into a huge fight the night Sam graduated from high school and finally came clean about his acceptance and eventually, I got dragged into it as well. Sam looked to me to side with him against dad and I...didn't. It wasn't that I didn't think he should go, boy's smart as a whip, it'd be a shame to see all that potential go to waste. But still, I...I guess I was so used to following dad's orders that I just...that and I didn't want Sam to leave. I guess it was selfish of me but, my whole life had kind of revolved around him. I didn't really want to lose another member of my family you know?"

 

 

Cas nodded, he knew all too well.

 

 

"Anyway, Sam was pissed and he left and changed his phone number and basically didn't talk to me for three years until I showed up at his apartment to tell him dad had died. Now, we talk on holidays and birthdays but, we don't really see each other. We're both super busy. Also, I kind of missed his wedding."

 

 

"What? Why?"

 

 

Dean shrugged.

 

 

"I got stuck filming in England. It was my first major role and I was all set to leave for a few days and then some production disaster happened and I had to stay. Sammy never really forgave me."

 

 

"Yeah, that's kind of a dick move."

 

 

Dean looked playfully affronted.

 

 

"Hey!"

 

 

Cas shrugged.

 

 

"I'm just saying it's a poor excuse."

 

 

"Yeah." Dean agreed, "I think I was mostly afraid."

 

 

"Afraid of what?" Cas asked with a frown.

 

 

"What Sam would think of me. What his fiancée and her family would think of me."

 

 

"What were you afraid they'd think?"

 

 

Dean didn't speak, just chewed at his bottom lip.

 

 

"Does this have to do with what your father said to you when he found out you were a model?"

 

 

Dean looked up and Cas could see the answer in his eyes before he looked away with a bitter chuckle.

 

 

"You're probably right."

 

 

Cas looked down at the remainder of his fries.

 

 

"I guess I'm not really one to talk, I don't speak to Michael or Lucifer at all. Not even on special occasions."

 

 

"Is it just 'cause of the gay thing?" Dean asked, draining the last of his beer.

 

 

Cas sat back in the booth and sighed.

 

 

"There were...extenuating circumstances." He answered enigmatically, "When I came out I also left my church. Our family has always been very involved in the congregation there and I think they saw the whole thing as a betrayal."

 

 

Dean scrunched his face up.

 

 

"A betrayal of what?"

 

 

"My faith." Cas shrugged, "My family. I think they just couldn't understand why I couldn't just keep living the way I had been. They couldn't accept that it was killing me."

 

 

Dean nodded and looked like he was about to say something, but instead he just smiled and signalled for the cheque.

 

 

...

 

 

They ended up on the waterfront again. Passing the Bean in Millennium park and walking along the lake. They stopped and leant against the railing, looking out at the abyss of Lake Michigan as it stretched into the darkness.

 

 

"Dean."

 

 

The actor glanced over, regarding Cas through the fading light.

 

 

"Yeah?"

 

 

Cas turned, heart thumping, palms sweating.

 

 

"What is this?"

 

 

"What do you mean?"

 

 

Cas straightened.

 

 

"Why are you spending so much time with me?"

 

 

Dean shrugged.

 

 

"'Cause I like you? I enjoy your company?"

 

 

Cas nodded.

 

 

“Okay. Is that all?"

 

 

Dean was silent a moment.

 

 

"No." He answered softly, turning so he was facing Cas and crowding in closer. "No, that's not all."

 

 

"Oh." Cas replied, his breathing intensifying the closer Dean got, "What else is there?"

 

 

He didn't say anything, just moved in closer, slowly, so that Cas had time to register that Dean Fucking Winchester was about to kiss him.

 

 

Their lips met and it was at once soothing and exhilarating. His heart was pounding the same as before but for an entirely different reason and heat was pooling low in his belly, urging him closer to Dean. He crowded in, bringing his hands up to clutch at wide, strong shoulders and vaguely he felt Dean's arms wrap around him, pulling him closer still.

 

 

It was so very different from kissing Amelia, who had always been somewhat stiff and clinical when it came to sexual intercourse. Dean was eager and passionate and by the time they finally broke apart, Castiel's skin was buzzing.

 

 

Dean's hand was on his face, his thumb stroking over his cheek, a soft smile playing at his lips.

 

 

Castiel's breath left him in a gush.

 

 

"Wow." He breathed.

 

 

Dean huffed out a laugh.

 

 

"Yeah?" He asked quietly.

 

 

Castiel nodded, "Yeah."

 

 

Dean's smile was blinding.

 

 

...

 

 

The car pulled to a stop in the hotel parking garage and Dean killed the engine. In the wake of the noise that echoed even louder in the underground lot, the silence settled heavily over the two of them as Castiel unclasped his seatbelt and moved to open the door.

 

 

"Hey Cas."

 

 

He turned back to Dean who was still sitting, studying the steering wheel.

 

 

"Yes Dean."

 

 

He looked up and they locked eyes.

 

 

"I ummm..." He trailed off with a frustrated sigh, "I'm not...I mean, I don't..."

 

 

He let out an aggravated sound and Cas slid across the bench seat and rested a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

 

"What is it?"

 

 

"I'm not...out. At least not to the public. It's not that I'm ashamed or in denial, it's just that it's difficult in this industry, especially being bi, they want you one or the other you know? And it's hard to convince people that being bisexual is actually a thing, let alone getting them to accept you. I'm not asking you to hide or go back into the closet for me. I don't want to force you to do anything that might hurt you. I'm just asking for this to be kept under the radar for now."

 

 

Cas stared at the nerves he could see shining out from Dean’s bright eyes and feel through the stiff set of his shoulders and smiled, leaning in to place a chaste kiss on his lips.

 

 

"Don't worry." He said once they'd broken apart, "I'm having a hard time believing this is real anyway."

 

 

Dean smirked.

 

 

"Oh? Well I think I can do something about convincing you."

 

 

They kissed in the elevator. All clutching hands and clasping fingers. The private lift went all the way to the suite from the parking level so they were able to bypass the lobby and any potential scandal. Dean was surprisingly chaste despite his attitude and earlier words, keeping his kisses soft and his caresses light. Cas on the other hand was living out nearly every sexual fantasy he'd had since first laying eyes on Dean Winchester back in his soap opera days, long before he'd ever fully accepted what the thoughts meant beyond that they were a blasphemous secret that must never be told. But here he was with Dean's tongue in his mouth and his body responding very enthusiastically. He let out a sound that might have been a growl of some kind and pushed them back until Dean made contact with the side of the elevator. They broke for breath and Dean chuckled.

 

 

"Impatient much?"

 

 

"Shut up."

 

 

The doors opened with a ding.

 

 

"Dad!"

 

 

Cas turned his head and jumped back just as a young child barrelled into the elevator.

 

 

Dean knelt and pulled the boy in for a hug, masking his surprise with an enthusiastic, "Hey buddy!"

 

 

They moved out of the elevator and Cas stood in shock as the doors began to close. He contemplated just staying inside, but instead, reached a hand out to stop them and stepped out into the foyer.

 

 

"What are you doing here?" Dean was asking the boy, surreptitiously trying to straighten his collar and smooth down his hair, masking any evidence of what they had been doing on the boardwalk or in the impala or the elevator.

 

 

The message was very clear: it had never happened.

 

 

"Surprising you of course."

 

 

A new voice called out from inside the suite and then Lisa Braeden - model, TV presenter, occasional actress, and Dean Winchester's notorious on again, off again girlfriend - was standing in the foyer with them.

 

 

Dean straightened and stared.

 

 

"Lisa?"

 

 

She smiled.

 

 

"Surprise!"

 

 

Dean stared mutely and Cas watched in growing horror as she moved forward, pulled him into an embrace, and kissed him.

 

 

Cas' stomach sank and he averted his eyes, trying to find anything to focus his attention on so he didn't have to watch the lips that had just been kissing his, kissing someone else's.

 

 

They broke apart and Lisa smiled up at Dean.

 

 

"Surprised?"

 

 

Dean chuckled.

 

 

"Uhh, yeah."

 

 

"Who are you?"

 

 

The child, who Cas could only assume was Ben Braeden, was staring up at him and the question startled him out of his thoughts.

 

 

"Ben! Manners!" Lisa scolded before glancing up at Castiel with a frown.

 

 

He floundered and said the first thing that popped into his head.

 

 

"Room service."

 

 

She nodded, "Oh!" And then frowned, "Don't you guys usually wear a uniform?"

 

 

Cas glanced down at the blazer and slacks he had agonized over this afternoon with Balthazar offering unhelpful remarks while lounging on his bed texting.

 

 

"Dea-- Mr. Winchester caught me in the lobby as I was leaving."

 

 

"Okay! Well, honey, do you want anything?” She asked to Ben who shook his head. “Maybe we could have some fruit sent up? Maybe some crackers and cheese. Oh! And there are some dirty plates in there.” She pointed into the dining room.

 

 

Cas swallowed and nodded, making his way into the suite.

 

 

“Actually, I don’t think that’s his job.” Dean began.

 

 

Castiel turned.

 

 

“It’s all right sir, it’s no trouble at all.” His voice was monotone, a symptom of the shock that seemed to have taken over. He could see spots of colour in Dean’s cheeks, though whether that was from embarrassment for Castiel or shame for being caught out in a lie, he wasn’t sure. Either way he ignored it and picked up the dirty dishes, wanting to get his humiliation over with as quickly as possible.

 

 

“Is there anything else?” He asked softly, averting his gaze.

 

 

Lisa looked up at Dean expectantly.

 

 

“No. No, that’s fine.”

 

 

Cas nodded and moved towards the elevator. He felt movement behind him and turned to see Lisa pushing Dean towards him with an expectant look.

 

 

Cas avoided Dean’s gaze and instead looked to the hand that was outstretched towards him, a crisp $10 bill clutched between his thumb and fingers. 

 

 

Cas contemplated not taking it, just walking out without another word, but ultimately decided that it would seem too suspicious so instead he reached out, knuckles brushing Dean’s briefly as he took the money, and instantly felt a swell of something akin to shame flood through him, as though he were accepting payment for something underhanded or salacious, like his silence on the matter. He uttered a soft "thank you sir.” Without looking up and stepped into the elevator, hitting the lobby button with numb fingers. He turned and caught Dean's eyes. There was something in them, pain or sadness, or perhaps it was just wishful thinking on Castiel's part. 

 

 

Whatever reason, he held the gaze until the doors shut and he was once again alone.

 

 

He left the empty plates on a chair in the lobby and let the desk clerk know to send up the requested items. Then he left the hotel and walked the hour and a half back to his townhouse, wondering all the while how everything could have gone so wrong so fast.

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Castiel brooded for the next two weeks, ignoring Gabriel, Balthazar and Anna's attempts to cheer him up, instead throwing himself into the store. After all, it had worked during the divorce (kind of) so perhaps it would work this time (it didn't).

 

A few days after the surprise visit from Dean’s not so ex girlfriend, he was putting in an order for more copies of the latest teen heartthrob/vampire/zombie/dystopian novella, when the bell tinkled and he trudged out into the store proper.

 

The sound of a lighter flicking to life sounded in the otherwise empty store.

 

"Hey there Clarence, heard you banged a movie star."

 

Meg pulled long and hard on the cigarette and regarded him through dark eyeliner and a haze of smoke.

 

Castiel rolled his eyes.

 

"Will you please put that out." He said in exasperation, Meg was the last person he wanted to see or deal with, ever. "Not only is it illegal to smoke inside a retail establishment but this is a fucking bookstore."

 

She smirked and stalked forward, dropping the still smoking butt into the cold cup of coffee from that morning.

 

"Well well, look who developed a vocabulary."

 

She leaned against the counter, pushing her breasts together between her folded arms. Cas ignored them.

 

"What are you doing here?" He asked, not trying in the slightest to mask the aggression in his voice.

 

"What? I can't check up on an old friend in a time of need? What kind of monster do you take me for?"

 

"A demon." He deadpanned.

 

She smiled sardonically.

 

"Seriously though is it true? Did you do the nasty with the sweet piece of ass that is Dean Winchester?"

 

"How did you even—? Never mind I don't even have to ask—"

 

"Balthazar."

 

"Yes I know, of course it was Balthazar."

 

"Then why did you ask?"

 

Cas exhaled loudly and threw his head back.

 

"Look, will you please just leave."

 

She was silent and Cas couldn't help but glance over to see her regarding him.

 

"What?" He snapped.

 

"Did you do it?"

 

He stared at her a moment.

 

"No."

 

She narrowed her eyes.

 

"But you did make out a little."

 

His face must have given him away because her’s split into a grin and she cackled.

 

"Way to go Clarence. I always knew you had it in you."

 

He sighed and scrubbed his hands down his face, fingers scratching over the growth of beard that he had failed to shave off in the past five days.

 

"So?"

 

He looked back.

 

"So what?"

 

"Was it everything you'd imagined it would be?"

 

He slumped onto the stool.

 

"It was perfect." He murmured, remembering the feel of his lips and the touch of his hands, the way they had grabbed at him, so full of need, like he actually wanted Cas, yearned for him. Cas had never felt that kind of desire, not from Amelia, not from…Dean had made Cas feel wanted for a short moment in his wholly unremarkable life and now that it was gone all he could think about was those lips—

 

"Did you touch it?"

 

Meg's low voice startled him out of his thoughts and he frowned.

 

"What?"

 

"Did you touch it?"

 

"Jesus Christ Meg." He admonished, standing and moving around the counter. "Will you please leave?"

 

"What? I'm just asking." She protested as he steered her towards the door.

 

"I'm not doing this with you right now." He growled.

 

She turned just as they reached the door and stared up at him, face momentarily free of any sarcasm or attitude.

 

"Seriously Castiel, I'm sorry. You're a good guy and you don't deserve to be hurt like that."

 

Cas started and frown.

 

"What it this? What's going on? Why are you being nice?"

 

She rolled her eyes.

 

"Oh come on Clarence, I am a human being you know. I'm capable of emotion." She grabbed the handle and pulled. The bell tinkled. "Oh!" She turned once more, pulling out another cigarette and lighting it, "And if you're feeling lonely and want to have a…relapse, just let me know."

 

And with that she winked, shoved a pair of sunglasses over her heavily made up eyes, and sauntered off down the street.

 

Cas let the door fall closed and ripped the stupid bell down.

 

…

 

"So he's still with her?"

 

Cas was hiding out at Charlie's apartment, not trusting himself around Balthazar for spilling the story to Meg.

 

"I don't know. He seemed very surprised when she showed up."

 

"But was he happy to see her?" She asked, digging her spoon into the quickly melting tub of ice cream she had produced when he'd shown up on her doorstep.

 

Cas shrugged, "I don't know…not really I guess."

 

"Well then maybe the magazines were right. Maybe they did break up and she couldn't accept it."

 

"But they have a child together Charlie. That's got to count for something."

 

Charlie shrugged and tipped some more Kaluah into the ice cream.

 

"You had a child with Amelia." She pointed out.

 

"That's different." He contended, "Besides, I told you they kissed."

 

"No, you told me she kissed him. Kissing does not equate sexual attraction. You and I both know that." She swallowed a mouthful of half melted, coffee flavoured rocky road and sighed, "All too well."

 

Cas rolled his eyes at his sister's dramatics.

 

"Look Charlie, whatever the story was, it's over. Dean's gone back to LA and I'm here, like I always am, and maybe in a few years I'll get a cat or twelve and that will be that."

 

Charlie looked at him with sad eyes.

 

"I'm sorry bro." She said softly, "This sucks."

 

Grabbing the ice cream and setting it on the coffee table, she leaned over and buried her face into his shoulder, snaking her arms around him and squeezing as hard as she could. Cas smiled and squeezed back.

 

…

 

He caught the news when he was on his way to work. Castiel didn't normally put too much stock in the magazines that lined the racks of the newsstands at the best of times but he did a double-take when he saw the covers and bought one of each.

 

Five different issues, all with the same grainy photos of a disturbingly young, mostly naked Dean Winchester staring out at him and variations on the headline:

 

LEAKED PHOTOS SHOW STEAMY SIDE OF DREAMY WINCHESTER.

 

Cas poured over them in his office, wondering where the photos had come from. They were clearly taken years ago, certainly before Dean had achieved his current level of fame. Perhaps it had been an early job he had felt he couldn't say no to. Perhaps he had done it for the money. Cas' stomach clenched at the thought that he might have been coerced and even violated. The vacant stare held none of the life and vibrancy he was used to seeing. Instead they looked cold, cut off, empty.

 

He shut the magazine and shoved the lot of them into the recycling bin. He had no business looking at those photos no matter what the rags printed. Dean was gone from his life. He wouldn't be coming back.

 

The doorbell went just as he was shoving one of Anna's defrosted lasagnas in the oven and he strode over to answer it, figuring it would be one of his siblings or possibly a friend of Balthazar's. What he did not expect was a timid Dean Winchester in shades standing on his front stoop.

 

Cas started, mind going blank as he tried to take in the reappearance of the man.

 

"Hi." Dean said quietly, lifting his hand in greeting before letting it drop and hang.

 

"Hey." Cas answered.

 

Their monosyllabic exchange hung awkwardly in the air between them.

 

"Uh, can I…can I come in?" Dean asked.

 

Cas nodded and stepped back, shutting the door behind him.

 

"I'm just making dinner." He said, "You're welcome to stay and have some. Don't worry, Anna made it." He chuckled lamely, hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck.

 

"Thanks." Dean nodded, pulling off his glasses and fiddling with them. "Sorry, for showing up like this. I just…there're reporters at the hotel and I…"

 

"It's all right." Cas interrupted. "Come inside."

 

…

 

"So, you saw the photos I take it."

 

They were well into their meal and neither one had spoken until Dean finally broke the ice. Cas looked up from his food to see Dean stabbing at his mostly uneaten lasagna with his fork. Having seen for himself Dean's nearly insatiable appetite, Castiel was a little concerned about his apparent lack of hunger.

 

"Uh, yeah. I saw them."

 

Dean nodded, not lifting his gaze from his plate.

 

"How old were you?"

 

That caught his attention. He looked up with a frown.

 

"What?"

 

"You looked quite young, in the pictures I mean." Cas explained, "I was just wondering how old you were."

 

Dean stared at him a beat before returning his gaze to his uneaten food.

 

"Seventeen. We were in Tucson. Holed up in this flea-ridden motel more than a week longer than we'd planned because Dad went off and didn't come back. He'd left a few messages about how he was waiting to hear back from this job in Phoenix and how we were supposed to just sit tight. But meanwhile Sammy was hungry and the rent needed to be payed so I went out to find some money."

 

"How did you normally find money?" Cas asked softly.

 

Dean shrugged.

 

"Hustling pool, credit card fraud, If worst comes to worst, food can always be stolen so money is freed up for rent, but when there's no money…" He sighed, "There was this guy. Told me I was too pretty to be in a place like that. Said he'd pay me good money if he could take pictures of me. I said yes."

 

Cas nodded, trying to digest the information.

 

"Did he do anything else to you?"

 

Dean's jaw clenched but he shook his head.

 

"No. Just the pictures." He rubbed a hand over his hair and his eyes and sniffed, "No one was ever supposed to see them."

 

His breath hitched and he squeezed his eyes shut. Castiel reached out a hand and rested it on Dean's arm, hoping he could provide at least a small bit of comfort.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

Dean chuckled.

 

"Not your fault. I've always been a fuck up. It was just a matter of time before the rest of the world realized."

 

The opening strains of Back in Black sounded from Dean's pocket and he sat back, pulling his phone out and frowning at the caller ID.

 

"Who is it?" Cas asked.

 

"It's my brother." He tapped the phone and held it to his ear, "Hey Sam…Yeah, I'm fine…No, it's all right…No I'm at a friend's place….Just a friend….You don't know him….What? why are you?….You don't have to it's fine…yeah all right." He dropped the phone to his chest and looked over at Cas, "What's the address here?" Cas frowned but rattled it off and Dean relayed the information down the line. "Yeah okay…okay, see you soon." He ended the call and stared down at the phone. "Sam's in town. He's coming over."

 

"What's he doing in Chicago?"

 

"Business. Apparently the law firm he's with in San Francisco has a branch here."

 

He stood, moving over to the counter while his hands fidgeted in a restless, anxious movement. Cas stood as well, moving in close and reaching to take one of the hands in his own, interlacing the fingers and squeezing.

 

Dean looked at them and then up at Cas.

 

"I'm sorry." He said apologetically, his eyes tired and remorseful, "For Lisa and Ben. For how I acted, or didn't act."

 

Cas shrugged.

 

"It's all right. You seemed pretty shocked."

 

"No, it's not all right." He countered, "I should have at least acknowledged you."

 

"It was my lie Dean." Cas explained.

 

"Yeah, and it was me you felt you had to lie for." He brought up his free hand to rub at his eyes, "I swear, I didn't expect her to show up. The last time we talked, I though we'd broken up. Turns out I was wrong. She flew out to try to make things right."

 

"She seems like nice person."

 

Dean chucked, "Yeah, she is. And she's a great mother." The hand on his face traveled up to his hair and tugged at it, "Oh god." He moaned, "The whole thing was just..."

 

"Really bad timing?"

 

Dean laughed again and looked up at Cas.

 

"Yeah, really, really bad timing. And a big heaping dose of my idiocy as well."

 

Cas smiled and dropped his gaze to the hand still wrapped up in his own.

 

"It was a little anticlimactic walking out of the hotel."

 

Dean shut his eyes and shook his head.

 

"Shit, sorry Cas, seriously. I should have just told her the truth."

 

"Are you out to her?"

 

"No, but at least the night wouldn't have ended with you in the elevator carrying a stack of my dirty dishes."

 

"You can make it up to me by cleaning up. But first you should eat. Seriously, it's really good."

 

Dean ate a few bites and was up to his elbows in foamy water while Cas dried when the doorbell rang.

 

Dean looked like he wanted to throw up.

 

Cas rested a reassuring hand on his back as passed, moving to the door and gripping the brass knob. He opened the door to a man with a kind face and hair that seemed too long for a lawyer and who towered at least five inches over Castiel.

 

"Hi." He smiled tentatively, "I'm Sam, Sam Winchester."

 

"Castiel."

 

They shook hands and then Sam's grip went lax as his gaze refocused on something over Castiel's shoulder. He looked around and saw Dean hovering in the divide between the living room and the entryway.

 

"Hey Dean." He said softly, expression guarded.

 

Cas stepped backwards slowly as the brothers continued to stare at each other, feeling more and more like a third wheel as the tension in the room increased.

 

"Hey Sammy."

 

Sam's eye twitched and Castiel guessed that, like 'Cassie', 'Sammy' was not a nickname he appreciated from his older brother. But nevertheless, he nodded and stepped forward and Castiel was witness to the most uncomfortable hug between two brothers since he'd last seen Gabriel and Lucifer in the same room together.

 

"Can I get you anything to drink Sam? Water or beer?"

 

Once they were settled in the living room, drinks in hand, silence prevailed until Sam cleared his throat and sat forward in his chair.

 

"So...the pictures."

 

Dean pursed his lips and looked as though he might not answer before he nodded, "The pictures."

 

He looked up and Sam raised his eyebrows for him to continue.

 

Dean sighed.

 

"Look. It was a long time ago and we needed the money."

 

"Wait," Sam interrupted, "when were they taken?"

 

"'96."

 

"What?!"

 

"Sam-"

 

"You were seventeen!"

 

"Sam!"

 

"What?!"

 

Dean waited until Sam's breathing had calmed somewhat before continuing.

 

"Dad was gone longer than planned. We needed money."

 

"Then why didn't you just call him and ask for more?"

 

"You know damn well why Sam. Besides, he was looking for work."

 

"That's bullshit and you know it, he was in a bar drinking it away every night. You always do this! You always defend him!"

 

"I'm not defending him Sam!"

 

"Sure you are! You're always justifying his actions! You've never been able to accept that he was just a terrible parent!"

 

"He did his best!"

 

"Well it wasn't good enough! We shouldn't have had to grow up that way Dean! Constantly moving! Never knowing where our next meal was coming from! Never knowing when or if dad was going to come home! That's not normal Dean!"

 

"Oh! And running away first chance you get and cutting all ties with you family is?! That's what you wanted right? To get away? Well congratulations, you did! So what are you even doing here? Why don't you go back to your perfect wife and your perfect, normal little life! I didn't ask you to come here, so why don't you just go!" And with that, like a petulant child, Dean stood and stormed out of the room leaving a fuming Sam and a stunned Cas behind.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late, I was a little blocked on this chapter so I went and wrote some other stuff instead. But here we are. Hope you like :)

Sam sighed and leaned forwards, resting his elbows on his knees and dragging his hands down his face. He looked up at Castiel.

 

 

"Sorry about that."

 

 

Cas shook his head, "It's okay, I've witnessed my fair share of family blow ups. Been the cause of a few too."

 

 

Sam laughed humourlessly, his hand rubbing at his mouth and chin in a distressed manner. Castiel sighed.

 

 

"Look Sam, I don't know you and, to be honest, I don't know Dean that well either, so I'm not going to presume to know or understand your past, but from how Dean talks about you, he really cares for you. And I know that he regrets how things ended between you two."

 

 

Sam frowned, "How much has he told you?"

 

 

"Not much," Castiel shrugged, "just about how your mom died and how you guys grew up and what happened when you left for Stanford."

 

 

Sam's eyebrows rose in surprise.

 

 

"Seriously?"

 

 

Cas nodded, "yeah."

 

 

"Wow."

 

 

"What?"

 

 

Sam shook his head, "Nothing. Just, I don't think even Lisa knows that much."

 

 

Cas frowned, wondering what to make of that piece of information. Sam ran a hand through his hair.

 

 

“It’s not that I don’t want to have a good relationship with Dean, it’s just…I get so angry whenever I talk to him. I love him but he drives me up the wall.”

 

 

“Why is that?”

 

 

“I just keep thinking about all the times he hasn’t been there you know? My graduation, my wedding. And I know it’s my fault. He’s right I cut ties. I just couldn’t see any other way to get out you know? I just…I guess I just wish Dean could have come too. But instead he stayed. He made his choice.”

 

 

"I imagine you feel betrayed by Dean, but I know for a fact that he regrets not siding with you."

 

 

Sam frowned. "He said that?"

 

 

"Yes."

 

 

"Then why didn't he?" He asked bitterly, and with more than an ounce of hurt in his voice.

 

 

Cas sighed.

 

 

"Sam you're a lawyer."

 

 

The younger Winchester frowned and answered hesitantly. "Yes."

 

 

"If you were defending an abuse victim in a case would you ask them why they didn't stand up for themselves or leave sooner?"

 

 

"Dad never abused us." Sam said, colour rising in his cheeks at the suggestion, "I mean he was pretty deadbeat but he never-"

 

 

"What? Hit you? You think that's the only thing that constitutes abuse? Dean was in charge of your well being from an absurdly early age. Maybe the only way he could see to do that was to knuckle under. Maybe he didn't see that there was a choice."

 

 

Sam sat in thoughtful contemplation.

 

 

"You sure you don't know my brother very well?" He asked with a wry smile.

 

 

Castiel's cheeks coloured and he ducked his head.

 

 

"Just talk to him. I've got two brothers who refuse to have anything to do with me. If you've got a chance to make things right with Dean, take it.”

 

 

Sam said nothing. Just sat mulling it over.

 

 

“Do you want to make things right?”

 

 

Sam swallowed hard. “Yeah. I miss him.” He stood, smiling, “Thanks Castiel."

 

 

He turned, making his way back to the kitchen where Dean had disappeared to. Cas sat back in his chair, hoping his unsolicited advice wouldn't make things worse.

 

 

...

 

 

The two brothers emerged forty five minutes later looking haggard and tired, but happy, or at least not like they were ready to rip each other's heads off.

 

 

Dean glanced up and his lips quirked up in a smile when he locked eyes with Cas.

 

 

"Well," Sam said as he came around to stand beside his brother, "I gotta go. It was good seeing you Dean. Really good."

 

 

Dean rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and nodded. "It was good to see you too."

 

 

"You should stop by while we're both still in town. Jess would love to see you." He turned to Castiel, "You're welcome to come too of course."

 

 

Cas blinked but nodded.

 

 

"Oh, thank you, thank you very much."

 

 

"Sure, sounds good." Dean agreed.

 

 

They paused and then Dean moved forward and pulled Sam into a tight hug. Cas watched his eyes squeeze shut, saw the sinews in his forearms stand out from the strength with which he held his brother. It was all over in a matter of seconds, ending with a manly clap on the back but Cas could see the hope in Sam's eyes and the tension drain out of Dean's face and shoulders. 

 

 

"Well, I'll see you around." Sam turned and looked like he was debating whether or not to hug Cas before he held his hand out and Cas took it. "It was nice to meet you."

 

 

Cas nodded.

 

 

"You too."

 

 

"Bye Sammy."

 

 

The door shut behind the giant moose of a Winchester and Cas flipped the lock and turned to Dean.

 

 

"How did it go?" 

 

 

Dean sighed and shrugged.

 

 

"Good. It went good." He rubbed a hand through his hair, "It was nice to see him again."

 

 

Cas nodded.

 

 

“Well…” He trailed off, not sure where they were supposed to go from there. Was Dean going to stay the night? Should he offer him the couch or his own bed? Was Dean expecting more? Could Castiel facilitate the actions that might lead to more?

 

 

He crossed his arms, suddenly uncomfortable in the wake of Sam’s departure and the silence that had settled heavily around them.

 

 

What did people usually do after reconnecting with their estranged sibling? Or dinner?

 

 

“Do you want to watch a movie?”

 

 

“You got Die Hard?”

 

 

As it turned out, Balthazar owned Die Hard. Also, Castiel had never seen it, a nugget of information that had Dean nearly incoherent with dismay.

 

 

“Excuse me?”

 

 

“What?”

 

 

“You’ve never seen Die Hard. You’ve never seen, _Die Hard_.”

 

 

Castiel shrugged.

 

 

“Should I have?”

 

 

Dean coughed out a laugh.

 

 

“Sit down.” He ordered, dropping the disc onto the tray and nudging it in, picking up the remote and switching the TV on as he backed his way up to the sofa.

 

 

Dean watched the movie.

 

 

Castiel watched Dean.

 

 

It was mesmerizing to see the worry and tension that had sat like a veil over him all evening, lift as the movie played; his smile brightened, his eyes sparkled, a childish glee coming out that made Cas feel like he was seeing Dean as a kid watching it for the first time.

 

 

…

 

 

The movie ended and Castiel agreed that it was pretty good, what little he remembered of it considering he’d spent the majority of it focused on how close Dean was to him on what was a relatively large couch and what exactly that proximity meant.

 

 

Dean sat back against the cushions and rubbed at his eyes.

 

 

“Jesus, what a day.” He let his hands fall to his lap and blinked tiredly.

 

 

Cas checked his watch.

 

 

“It is getting late. And I have no idea if Balthazar will be back tonight so you’re welcome to take his bed.”

 

 

Dean nodded in consideration.

 

 

“Where is your roommate anyway?”

 

 

“I have no clue.”

 

 

“Party animal?”

 

 

Cas snorted. “You have no idea. He could be anywhere. For all I know he hopped a private plane and is in LA right now. Or New York. Or Rome.”

 

 

“Seriously?”

 

 

Cas nodded. “He’s been know to disappear for days only to stagger in with some supermodel on his arm fresh off the catwalk in Milan.”

 

 

“How’d you even end up meeting this guy?”

 

 

“Through a mutual friend. Besides, I needed somewhere to live and this place is convenient for work. Plus, Balthazar gave me a good deal on the rent.”

 

 

“Why?”

 

 

“Because his family owns this block.”

 

 

Dean’s eyebrows rose, “What?”

 

 

“And several other buildings around town. And a castle in Scotland.”

 

 

Dean let out a low whistle, “And here I was thinking I was rolling in it.”

 

 

Cas hummed.

 

 

“So what are the chances of him coming back tonight.”

 

 

“Not likely.” Cas shrugged, “Then again, there's really no telling with him.

 

 

Dean hmmmed. "So we've got the place to ourselves?"

 

 

The silence grew heavy under Dean suggestive words and Cas looked over, licking his lips as Dean stared back.

 

 

"Only if you want to of course."

 

 

Cas nodded, mouth going dry as his heart rate picked up. 

 

 

"Yeah." He breathed.

 

 

"Yeah?" Dean grinned, sliding across the sofa and crowding into Castiel's space.

 

 

"Yeah." Cas nodded, leaning in and capturing Dean's lips with his own.

 

 

They kissed and it was like how that first night on the boardwalk should have ended. Excitement and adrenaline sent blood pumping through his body and Cas ran his hand up Dean’s arm to his shoulder, fingers skimming over strong muscle and smooth skin.

 

 

They broke apart gasping and Dean looked at him, green eyes nearly black with pleasure.

 

 

“Cas,” He breathed, “Can I ask you something?”

 

 

Castiel nodded.

 

 

“Is this your first time? With a guy?”

 

 

Cas blushed and ducked his head, nodding.

 

 

“Hey.” He felt a gentle hand on his cheek and he relented when Dean nudged him to look back up. “It’s okay.”

 

 

“It’s just…I haven’t…I never…” He huffed out a laugh, “It’s more than a little pathetic waiting until your mid thirties to come out to your wife and child. Starting over at that age…trying to navigate your way through a world that is more than a little preoccupied with sex when you know little to nothing about it…does not make for a successful time.”

 

 

Dean stared at him for a long moment before quirking a smile and leaning in to capture Castiel’s lips once more.

 

 

“It’s all right.” He murmured against his lips, “Just say the word and I’ll stop okay?”

 

 

Cas nodded and moved in to kiss him again when Dean pulled back and stared into his eyes.

 

 

“Seriously. Anything feels wrong. Anything at all. We stop. Understand?”

 

 

Cas smiled, Dean’s words filling him with warmth, and he nodded.

 

 

“I understand.”

 

 

Dean smiled. “Good.”

 

 

They kissed.

 

 

He leaned back, pulling Dean on top of him, threading fingers through close cropped hair and grabbing fistfuls of Dean's soft T-shirt as the kiss deepened. Dean slotted his leg between Castiel's, thigh rubbing up against Cas and he gasped into his mouth, hips bucking of their own accord. Somewhere along the way Dean's tongue slipped into his mouth and Cas responded in kind, pulling Dean flush against his chest as the kisses deepened further. Dean broke away and began trailing kisses along his jawline, nipping at his pulse point and sucking a hickey along his clavicle. Cas moaned as Dean pulled his shirt free from his pants, brushing his nails along his hip bones and up his chest and skimming his fingers experimentally across his nipples. Cas mewled and Dean smiled against his neck, tweaking and rubbing at them before sitting up and staring down at Cas through wide blown pupils.

 

 

He straddled Cas' hips and settled there, grinding slowly against him. Cas grabbed for the hem of Dean's shirt, pulling it up and Dean complied, letting it fall to the side, forgotten. Cas stared in reverence at the expanse of well toned torso that towered above him and ran his hand along the tanned skin, tracing the lines of his hips that dipped down below his waistline and through the soft trail of hair that lead southwards.

 

 

Dean hummed and rolled his hips forwards, reaching down and thumbing open Castiel's shirt buttons one by one until he reached the bottom and pushed it back, staring down with open admiration before leaning down and taking one of his nipples into his mouth. 

 

 

Cas gasped at the hot, wet contact, throwing his head back into the couch cushions as Dean sucked and swirled and lapped at the sensitive spot, brushing his thumb over the other one as he did so before switching over. Cas writhed, lost in the sensation as he threaded his fingers through Dean's hair.

 

 

"Dean." The name slipped out in a whisper and Dean hummed, smiling against his skin as he continued his ministrations. He tweaked the other sensitized nipple and Cas moaned, bucking up against him, "Deeeean."

 

 

And then Dean's lips were on his and Cas reached down, fumbling with the fly of Dean's jeans until it was open, and grasped Dean, marvelling in the feel of him and wondering at the reaction it sparked as Dean moaned, eyes squeezing shut and fingers clenching at his arm and shoulder. Cas pumped experimentally, trying to replicate the things he enjoyed and hoping he was doing it right. Based on the sounds Dean was making, Cas was going to go with yes.

 

 

Dean reached down as Cas continued and flicked open Castiel’s own pants freeing him and then he took both of them in hand, leaving Cas to grab whatever was handy - mainly the couch cushions and Dean - as he rode the ever cresting wave of ecstasy. He looked up at Dean whose eyes were closed in concentration and he lifted his hand, thumb brushing across a flushed cheek as he threaded his fingers though the short hair at his temple. Dean's eyes fluttered open and they locked gazes.

 

 

“You still okay?” He gasped, his strokes moving faster and faster as they grew closer and closer to their peak.

 

 

Cas nodded and gasped and his body seized, the buildup bursting from him as he came. He vaguely registered something cold and wet spurting out over his stomach as his brain stutter to a halt and the next thing he knew he had sunk boneless into the couch cushions and Dean was a dead weight on him, sticky with sweat, and panting. He shifted and let his face rest in the crook of Castiel’s neck as they caught their breath.

 

 

Cas basked in what had just happened. The feelings, the sensation, the ultimate sense of how right it had felt, how real.

 

 

He thought back to his previous experiences of sex and laughed.

 

 

“What?” Dean asked, face still pressed to Cas’ neck.

 

 

“Nothing.” He whispered, still breathless, “Just, not that I was unsure before, but, after that…I’m definitely gay.”

 

 

Dean chuckled and raised his head, propping himself up on the elbow that was sandwiched between Cas and the back of the couch.

 

 

“It was that good huh?” He asked with a smirk that held within it a degree of uncertainty that Castiel almost couldn’t believe.

 

 

“That was the best sexual experience of my life. Although to be perfectly honest, none of the other ones were particularly pleasant.”

 

 

“Why not?” Dean asked with a frown.

 

 

Cas shrugged, averting his gaze and picking at a loose thread on the couch.

 

 

“I always expected things with Amelia to get better you know? Not that we had sex all that often but I always told myself ‘oh, were getting to know each other’ or ‘I just don't feel very well’ or ‘Oh I’m just tired from work’. And then after Claire was born, we just sort of stopped doing it and every so often when things…built up, I’d instigate something or she would, but growing up the way we did never really prepared us for actual sexual intercourse. Sex ed in Catholicism is it’s a sin unless it’s between a married man and woman for the purpose of procreation and that’s all we had to work with. When I came out to Amelia, one of the first things she asked me was if I had slept with a man and when I told her I hadn’t she acted as though that wasn’t proof enough; as though I couldn’t be gay until I’d actually...done the deed. It didn’t matter to her that every time we had sex I had to think of…well, you, to get me through it.”

 

 

“Really? You though of me?” He asked with a soft grin.

 

 

Cas raised an eyebrow.

 

 

“Are you kidding me? That topless scene in Lazurus? That kept me up many nights.”

 

 

Dean chuckled and ran a hand along Cas’s exposed ribcage.

 

 

“But it was good?” Dean asked softly, look down a him through long eyelashes.

 

 

Cas caught his hand and squeezed.

 

 

“It was pretty much perfect.”

 

 

…

 

 

“Come on.”

 

 

They’d lain for a while longer in their post coital bliss, not saying anything, just basking in the afterglow. And then the mess cooling between them became too much for Castiel and he stood to retrieve a damp cloth from the downstairs powder room before offering his hand to Dean, intending to take them upstairs to his bedroom.

 

 

Instead he tugged back, pulling Cas towards him and interlacing their fingers, bringing his other hand up to cup his cheek and pull him in. The kiss was sweet, lacking in the heat of the kisses from before, but somehow more intimate, more meaningful here in the quiet, dark living room, streetlights shining through the translucent curtains and illuminating the space in a soft orange glow.

 

 

They broke apart and stood close, noses touching, breathing in each other’s air. It only lasted a moment before they parted and moved upstairs, but somehow Cas learned more of Dean in that few seconds than he had learned about Amelia in two decades of courtship and marriage.

 

 

Cas leant Dean some sweats and a toothbrush fresh out of the packet before they lay down, the stress and drama and excitement of the day stealing any energy they may have had to do anything further than kiss before Cas nudged Dean to roll over and pulled him in, wishing he could take away the pain he’d seen in his eyes when he had first shown up there that evening and contenting himself with knowing that at least he could hold him while he slept.

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff is fluffy, angst is angsty.
> 
> Sorry about the wait and about the end (sex scenes are hard to write.)

It was light when Cas woke. He turned his head to where the electric glow of the alarm clock read 10:30am.

 

He glanced down at the sleeping man who had shifted in the night and whose head now rested on his chest, legs tangled in his, one arm hidden beneath the pillow while the other was flung out over Castiel's stomach.

 

Cas smiled, stroking a thumb over the smooth cheek. It twitched and Dean grunted, brow furrowing momentarily before smoothing again. Cas smiled and moved to stroke a hand through the dark blonde hair. Dean shifted and hummed, eyes blinking open, lashes brushing along Castiel's bare chest as he woke.

 

"Hmmmm." He murmured happily as Cas continued to card fingers through his hair, propping himself up on one arm once Cas was done.

 

"Hey." He smiled, voice cracking as he struggled to blink his eyes open.

 

"Hey."

 

Dean ran a thumb over the hair that covered the lower portion of his face.

 

"Trying for a more rugged look?"

 

"More like couldn't be bothered to shave." He answered wryly.

 

"Well, whatever the reason, it's sexy as hell."

 

Cas blinked, "Really?"

 

"Hell yeah! I mean, do you see yourself? All that time spent in front of the mirror not shaving? You are one hot piece of ass." He dragged his gaze down Cas' exposed torso and Cas for once in his life felt as though he was finally being seen. A blush crept up his neck and heated his cheeks at Dean's words.

 

"What?" Dean asked, chuckling at Castiel's obvious discomfort.

 

Cas shook his head. "Nothing, I've just never really thought about myself that way. I'm nothing special, especially compared to someone like you."

 

"Hey." Dean countered, "I'm not that special trust me and you..." He shrugged, looking away as a soft pink blush bloomed in his cheeks, "You're beautiful."

 

Cas could see that Dean was uncomfortable with the words and he smiled, pulling Dean down for a deep kiss.

 

"Just for the record, so are you. And I'm not just talking about your looks."

 

Dean's blush deepened and he resumed the kiss, exploring every facet of Castiel's mouth before moving lower, stopping for a moment to appreciate the sounds Cas made when Dean sucked at his nipples, and then continuing down. Cas' head shot up from the pillow as warmth engulfed him and he realized what Dean was preparing to do, but any protests died on his lips as heat began to build, starting low in his belly and he sank back into the mattress, head straining back against the pillows as Dean continued to do things with his mouth and tongue that Castiel hadn't previously thought possible. He came with a groan, blissed out and barley registering the sounds of panting above him and movement that sped to a frenzy until Dean collapsed beside him.

 

"Sorry, I should have..." He gestured idly to Dean who glanced down and chuckled.

 

"It's all right." He gave a lazy wave, "You seemed a little out of it."

 

"Yeah, well, that's the first time anyone's ever done that for me."

 

Dean looked up with an expression like he wanted to say something, but instead he just pulled Cas in, placing a soft kiss to his temple and running his fingers through Castiel's hair.

 

…

 

They lay in bed for the rest of the morning, chatting occasionally or just enjoying each other's company in silence. Castiel spoke about Claire; her love of dance, her serious, studious nature, her wisdom that constantly awed and amazed him, the moment he'd first held her, first learned what it was to truly love another person wholly and completely, what it meant when people said they would die for their children. In that moment he knew he would have given up his existence in an instant for her.

 

It had at once thrown into perspective the emptiness between himself and Amelia and, at the same time, made it all worth it just to have this brilliant, beautiful new life in his.

 

Dean in turn talked about Ben. The shock and surprise he'd felt when he'd heard the news that he was going to be a father from gossip channels rather than Lisa who had been in Europe filming and touring at the time. He talked about the joy of teaching him to ride a bike, throw a ball and his fear of turning into the type of absent father his own dad had become.

 

"It just got to the point where even when he was there, he wasn't you know? He never recovered from my mom's death. Even twenty years later he was still consumed by it. And Lisa and I are often not even the same country, let alone the same city most of the time, that's one of the reasons we didn't work out. I'm just worried I'm going to wake up one day and Ben's not going to want to have anything to do with me."

 

"I've seen you with Ben. It is clear that you care very deeply for him and he for you. I imagine you are an excellent father."

 

Dean blinked at him and nodded.

 

"Thank you." He said softly, brow creased in a frown.

 

"What?" Cas asked.

 

"It's just, no one's ever said that. Not outright. It's nice to hear."

 

Cas sighed and stroked a hand down the man's face, letting his eyes wander over the features that were so familiar to him and yet so new. Dean Winchester was in his bed. Mega star Dean Freaking Winchester had given him a blow job not two hours ago. A month and a half ago, Castiel was sitting on Charlie's couch with his sister snuggled up to him watching this man singlehandedly take down a corrupt organization all the while agonizing over the death of his wife and yet here he was, staring up at him, face open and honest, sharing things he had never told anyone. The thought picked up his perspective and sent it spinning, dizzying him as he fought to make sense of it.

 

"You okay?" Dean asked.

 

Cas blinked and nodded.

 

"Yeah, yes." He grinned wide, "I'm great."

 

…

 

They got up eventually and Dean made pancakes, slathering his short stack in so much butter and maple syrup that Cas was forced to ask, "How can you possibly maintain you figure when you eat like that?"

 

Dean grinned through a mouthful of food that he was kind enough to swallow, before speaking.

 

"Just got done shooting a picture so I'm taking a well deserved break from the torture. I mean come on, just cause you stick chicken in a salad doesn't make it a meal."

 

"Vegetables are very important Dean."

 

He rolled his eyes.

 

"Oh god, not you too."

 

…

 

The day was sunny and warm and they spent some time on the back porch with Castiel helping Dean run lines for his upcoming film.

 

"So I'm this guy who hunts supernatural monsters and I sell my soul to save my brother's life and then this angel comes and rescues me from hell."

 

"Angel huh?" Cas asked with a smirk.

 

Dean rolled his eyes.

 

"Just read the lines will you?"

 

Cas fumbled his way through he script as best he could, drawing on what little he could remember of childhood nativity pageants and school plays to give at least some semblance of a good performance. He must have done something right because he'd barely given a gruff reading of the line, "You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of Hell. I can throw you back in." before he was attacked by Dean's lips and the pages fell to the wayside.

 

…

 

Castiel was flipping through an old paperback, his feet stretched out on the coffee table, a cooling cup of tea sitting by his elbow as Dean attempted to focus his attention on the script that they'd eventually picked up off the porch floor following a rather heat-filled makeout session. Poor Mrs. Jenkins from next door, who had only come out to water her begonias, might never recover from the shock (although if truth be told, Dean could have sworn he spied a note of interest in the way she'd eyed them as she hurried back inside).

 

He sighed and dropped the damned thing onto the side table, his knee bouncing as he looked over at Castiel sitting serenely across the room from him.

 

He'd never been good at sitting still. Perhaps that was why he hadn't been quite as averse to their nomadic childhood as Sam had been who, like Cas, could sit for hours without moving. Dean on the other hand liked to do, and up until he'd met Cas, very few people in his life had been able to make him stay put (his mother had been one of them).

 

But Cas seemed to have a special calming power over him that stilled his racing thoughts and urged him to just be.

 

Cas jumped as the sofa dipped down beside him. Amelia had occasionally lamented his propensity for getting lost in a good book, losing hours of the day lost in some fictional world or another. She'd never had much time for make believe. He looked down to see Dean's head laying in his lap, legs curled up to fit his frame onto the smallish couch.

 

"What are you reading?" He asked into Castiel's soft sweatpants.

 

"Persuasion." Cas answered, "by Jane Austin." He added when Dean looked up at him with a frown.

 

"Oh." He murmured as he lowered his head once again to Cas' thighs.

 

"Read me some."

 

"Pardon?"

 

"Read me some. Sam always liked being read to. Couldn't get enough of it."

 

"Do you want me to start from the beginning?"

 

Dean shook his head. "No. Just read."

 

Cas turned back to his book and his fingers found Dean's hair, combing through the soft strands as his eyes found where he had left off.

 

"How eloquent could Anne Elliot have been! How eloquent, at least, were her wishes on the side of early warm attachment, and a cheerful confidence in futurity, against that over-anxious caution which seems to insult exertion and distrust Providence! She had been forced into prudence in her youth, she learned romance as she grew older: the natural sequel of an unnatural beginning…"

 

…

 

The door slammed in the darkened house. Balthazar paid it no heed. At this hour Castiel would already be asleep and even if he wasn't, the most he could do was scowl at him.

 

He trudged up the stairs. Even in a private jet, the flight from Dubai was a long one and he had been tired when he'd boarded. Noises stopped him in his tracks. Moans and groans that he was intimately familiar with but not in this house (unless he was involved of course), certainly not coming from prissy Cassie's room. He moved silently to the landing and slowly towards the sounds, careful to step lightly. He was like an animal planet documentarian, moving with quiet caution so as not to spook the wildlife.

 

The door was open a crack and Balthazar held his breath as the sound grew in volume.

 

Castiel's deep voice let out a moan and he stopped in shock.

 

"Deeeean!"

 

His mouth hung open in shock at the portrait the two painted in the room beyond. He stared for a beat before bringing up his phone and snapping a quick picture. He looked for a moment more - who knew virginal Cas had such a mouth on him - and then turned, pulling up the picture and tapping out a quick message.

 

Meg was going to lose her shit when she saw this.

 

...

 

They were in bed. Dean had gotten up to fix a small breakfast for the two and brought it up in a tray complete with steaming hot coffee. Cas responded with a kiss, long and deep. No one had ever made him breakfast in bed and Dean could feel his overwhelming gratitude in the hand that tangled in his hair and the teeth that nipped at his lower lip.

 

Dean chuckled.

 

"So I did good?" He asked softly, nose brushing Castiel's.

 

Cas nodded, mouth widening in a sleepy grin.

 

"You did good. Very, very good."

 

Dean was biting into his toast when his phone chimed an incoming message. He looked down and frowned.

 

"What?" Cas asked over the rim of his mug as Dean continued to stare down at his phone.

 

"It's my manager." He said, swiping to unlock and entering his passcode. "He says check Twitter."

 

Dean had finally relented and gotten a Twitter account at the behest of his manager and agent, a smarmy Brit named Crowley who was aggravatingly good at his job. But he had drawn the line at letting his phone notify him for every single inane 'I love you!' or 'please retweet me' or the ever grating, 'Yr so hawt.' Thus, he was perpetually out of the loop on the minute by minute happenings on that god forsaken social platform.

 

He opened the app. He had twelve hundred notifications. And counting.

 

They ranged in tone from 'OMG that's so hot!' to 'I always knew Dean Winchester was a dirty little fag' and the picture that popped up again and again and again like a virus was a filtered Instagram from the night before taken through the open door of Castiel's bedroom and featured the two of them locked in a very passionate embrace. Despite the poor man's photoshop blurring it in an infuriatingly twee show of artistic intent (or lack thereof), it was very obviously him in a very obviously compromising position with a very obviously male Castiel.

 

His phone rang, Crowley's snarling face staring up at him as Sympathy for the Devil played, and when he dismissed the call, his phone chimed with an incoming message. Castiel's phone began to buzz loudly from the side table on the other side of the bed and all Dean could do was sit and wonder how things could have possibly gotten even worse.

 

...

 

"I don't know how it got there Benny, but the fucking picture's everywhere!" Dean fell silent as he listened down the line, phone sandwiched between his shoulder and ear as he fought to pull his pants on. "Look, I'm not concerned about that right now can you just come get me!? No, I walked here. 'Cause I needed to clear my head from the last fucking time my nearly naked body was on display for everyone to see!" He fastened his jeans and sighed, grabbing the phone in one hand and pinching the bridge of his nose in the other. "Okay thanks. Thanks Benny. Yeah, I'll see you soon."

 

He hung up and stared despondently down at the list of incoming messages he had from everyone from Sam to Bobby to, oh god, Lisa. He switched the damn thing off and shoved it in his back pocket, trying to ignore the incessant buzzing every time a new message came in.

 

He turned to see Cas sitting quietly on the bed, still in his pajamas, phone held loosely in his hand as he stared down at his own growing list of messages. Even Michael and Lucifer had taken the time to reach out to him, if only to say 'I knew this would happen'.

 

Dean stared at him and thought about saying something. It wasn't his fault he knew, but he could feel the anger raging in him and if he'd learned anything from his father it was to keep his fucking mouth shut until he calmed down. So instead he sat and began pulling his socks on.

 

"You're leaving?" Came the soft question from across the bed.

 

"Well I can't very well stay here while my career goes down the toilet now can I?!"

 

Obviously he hadn't learned his lesson very well.

 

A weary sigh sounded behind him and while a part of him felt bad for being the cause of it, a larger and more pig headed part couldn't care less because this whole mess was going to affect him far worse than Castiel.

 

And then Castiel had to go and say, "You know Dean, this isn't the end of the world."

 

Blood rushed in his ears as his anger rose and his hands shook because Castiel had no fucking clue what he was talking about.

 

"Excuse me?" He asked, turning, breaths coming shorter and shorter as he looked over at the unassuming expression on the other man's stupidly pretty face.

 

"It's just Twitter Dean. You of all people should know what a short attention span the Internet has. This is going to blow over before you know it."

 

Dean stared and then scoffed, shaking his head.

 

"You are so naive." He said softly, turning back to face the other wall.

 

He heard a huff from the other side of the bed but did not react.

 

"Look Dean-"

 

"No, you look." He spat, twisting on the mattress, "You have no idea how this is going to affect my life. My career. This isn't going to have any impact on your life because nobody knows who you are. Nobody cares!"

 

The words were unfair and Cas flinched at them as though he had been slapped but Dean was too consumed by anger to care.

 

"All I'm asking for is a little perspective Dean." His voice had grown a hard edge in the face of Dean's anger and a mask of indifference had fallen over his features. "I'm sure your career can survive one small scandal."

 

"Oh you do! Do you? Well what the fuck would you know about it!?"

 

"What would I know about what? How announcing your homosexuality could have a negative affect on your life? News flash Dean, I have two brothers who won't talk to me! I have a daughter I haven't seen in almost a year! And you're worried about what a bunch of strangers on the Internet are going to think!?"

 

"Hey! I have a brother, and an ex, and a child too so don't go thinking you're so special! Because guess what? You're not!"

 

The words hung in the air between them as they stared at each other over the unmade bed. The doorbell rang, loud in the silence and Dean said nothing as he turned from the room. Cas stood for a moment, trying not to remember the sweet feeling of Dean's lips on his forehead that had woken him only an hour ago. He shook his head, as though the action could shake the memories loose and release them, and followed.

 

Dean was pulling the front door open when Castiel reached the bottom of the stairs. A large man, dressed in a sharp suit stood on the other side and Dean eyed him before moving past. Cas came to the door and watched as, without a backwards glance, Dean pulled open the passenger door of the town-car that sat parked at the curb and slammed it shut, the tinted windows blocking any view Cas might have had of the man. It was final in a way that cut deeply and he averted his gaze, swallowing and blinking against the onslaught of oh god it's happening all over again that welled up inside of him.

 

The man, Benny presumably, watched Dean go and then turned, his eyes a piercing shade of ice blue that seemed to see right to the heart of him and Castiel found he couldn't look away.

 

When Benny spoke, it was softly accented with a cajun twang, "Whatever he said, don't believe it. Boy's stubborn and he's got a wicked temper. But he's also got a good heart. Anyone with eyes can see plain as day in that picture how much he cares for you."

 

He held Castiel's gaze a moment longer and then turned, moving down the steps and around the car to the drivers side, tipping his cap before somehow fitting his impressive bulk into the car.

 

And then they were gone.

 

Cas shut the door and leant back against it, shutting his eyes and casting his mind back. Waking this morning to the smell of coffee and the feel of Dean's lips on his. The day they had spent lounging. Not doing just being.

 

It had been perfect. Perhaps that was why it couldn't last.

 

A door upstairs slammed and his eyes shot open as Balthazar appeared shirtless at the top of the stairs.

 

He stopped halfway down when he caught sight of Cas and a smirk stretched over his face.

 

"Morning." He greeted, descending the staircase like a prince, hand sliding down the banister. "Where's your 'friend'? I am to understand you…finally became a real boy."

 

He reached the bottom and Cas pushed himself away from the door, barely registering his feet carrying him forward until his fist pulled back and cut across Balthazar's jaw.

 

He stumbled back onto the stairs.

 

"Fuck! Jesus Fucking Christ! What in the bloody hell was that for!?"

 

"As if you don't know!" Cas spat back, shaking out the hand that was not accustomed to punching other people's jaws. "I know it was you!"

 

"What? Seriously Castiel, I don't know what you're talking about."

 

"Oh yeah? So what you're saying is you didn't take this picture?"

 

He held up his phone and Balthazar blanched at his photo with the hashtag Winchestersexpic trending on Twitter.

 

"I didn't do this."

 

"Oh come on Balth. Who else could have taken it?"

 

"I took it but I didn't post it."

 

"Then who?"

 

Balthazar frowned and then his face cleared, eyes growing wide with realization and fear.

 

And Castiel knew what had happened.

 

"You didn't."

 

"Sorry old chap." And to his credit, he did sound truly sorry.

 

But Castiel didn't care because this was just more time that Meg had royally screwed up his life. He sighed and shook his head, moving past Balthazar who thankfully let him go without a word. Cas didn't think his hand could take any more abuse. Instead he trudged wearily up the stairs, exhaustion stealing any energy he may have possessed from the last two nights of sleeping with Dean in his arms. He was tired, worn out from the tempest of drama he had been living for the past month. Perhaps it was for the best. If this was what Dean's life was like, maybe he wasn't meant to be a part of it.

 

He opened the door to his bedroom. The tray of breakfast still sat in the centre of the bed, the pot of coffee still steaming and Castiel stared in wonder at he evidence of just how quickly everything had gone to shit. He picked it up and set it on his dresser before pulling at the comforter, stripping the bed of sheets that still smelt like Dean.

 

His phone chimed as he was shoving them into the washing machine and he took it out with trepidation.

 

A text from Charlie asked simply, _Do you want to come over?_

 

He collapsed numb onto the floor beside the linens that spilled out from the open mouth of the machine.

 

He felt like crawling inside it, washing himself clean from the memories of the perfect day they had spent together and then tears fell as he realized that no matter how badly this hurt, he would never give up those moments, not for all the blissful ignorance in the world.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So sorry about the impromptu three month hiatus, life got crazy and stressful and terrible. And this chapter did not help. But I hope you're all still with me and that you enjoy this latest instalment!
> 
> Cheers!

"And then he just...left."

 

Anna stared at him from across her kitchen counter, concern slowly turning to anger as Castiel relayed the story of what had happened. The sight of her brother standing, still in his pyjamas, on her front stoop at ten in the morning had not been terribly surprising considering the photo that had blown up all over the twitter-sphere, but hearing how Dean had handled it was so infuriating it just...she took in a breath, calming herself. She would be no good to Cas angry. He needed comfort and understanding, not righteous fury.

 

He seemed to shrink before her eyes as she watched him.

 

"This is all my fault. I-"

 

"No!" Her voice was abrupt and loud but she didn't care because Castiel had gone through this with Amelia and she was damned if she was going to let him go through it again.

 

He ended up staying at Anna and Inias' house for the next few months, unable to trust himself around Balthazar. He also watched the drama unfold on talk shows and gossip channels and the cover of magazines that he couldn't help staring at as he waited in line at the grocery store.

 

He'd had little taste of it himself, a few people who recognized him and whispered to each other as they passed and even some who were bold enough to come right out and ask him if it was true, but he was mostly spared from any great humiliation. The kind of people he interacted with on a daily basis were hardly the type to engage themselves in celebrity 'news'.

 

The worst came a few days after the event when he received a phone call from Amelia, railing at him for endangering Claire who, it seemed, had received some backlash from her peers at school. She had ended the call with the promise that he would never see her again and Castiel honestly couldn't blame her this time. Perhaps she would be better off without him.

 

...

 

Spring moved into summer, turning the city into a mire of muggy humidity. The shop was consequently relatively full of people coming in to escape the oppressive heat.

 

Castiel found himself one Tuesday in mid July finishing up with an older lady, giving her a forced smile - the only one he could muster these days - as he handed her her purchases. As he glanced up to catch the eye of whomever was in line behind her, his stomach jolted as he stared straight into the eyes of his oldest brother.

 

"Hello Castiel." Michael greeted, calm and collected as ever. It was impossible to read the man, his tone never changed whether he was congratulating Cas on graduating from University or telling him point blank that he was going to hell.

 

It made Castiel's blood boil.

 

"Michael." He answered, needlessly straightening the cash in the till so as not to have to look his brother in the eye. "What do you want?"

 

"Oh, I just...felt like visiting the old store, it has been so long since i've been here." He turned his head, surveying the space, a wistful expression on his face. Castiel almost felt something akin to brotherly love for him in that moment. Almost.

 

"Yes well, it's been a while."

 

He tried his best to temper the sarcasm in his voice but it snuck in all the same.

 

Michael smirked.

 

"How have you been Castiel?"

 

He frowned at his brother, sure it was meant as a dig, but Michael's face was open and honest. Still, the question struck a nerve and he scoffed.

 

"Wouldn't you like to know." The words were spiteful and childish and Castiel regretted them the moment he opened his mouth.

 

To his credit, Michael had the good grace to nod at his words.

 

"Yes. It seems I have allowed my own prejudices to cause somewhat of a rift in this family."

 

Cas blinked. Michael? Apologizing? Surely Armageddon was imminent.

 

"And for that I am sorry."

 

Cas frowned. Was this a trick? A ploy?

 

"You couldn't have come to this realization three years ago?"

 

Michael nodded.

 

"Your anger is fair. But I'm not lying Castiel. I really am sorry."

 

Cas regarded him, trying to find a look, a sign, anything that might show that Michael was lying so Castiel could continue to cling to his anger. But there was nothing but open truth in his brother's eyes.

 

He sighed.

 

"I believe you. I can't forgive you, not yet. But I do believe you."

 

Michael seemed to sag ever so slightly with relief and his face relaxed into the smile Castiel remembered from his younger years.

 

Throats were cleared in the silence between the two brothers.

 

"I umm," Michael reached into his pocket and pulled out an expensive looking card. "I wanted to invite you...my law firm is having a function. Family is invited. I would like for you to come."

 

He handed over an invitation embossed in gold lettering. Castiel fingered the milky texture of the paper as he glanced over it. Black tie. In support of the community. Proceeds from the silent auction to benefit some charity or other.

 

He glanced up.

 

"Are you sure you want me there after what happened last time?"

 

Michael's face contorted in distaste and it became obvious to Cas that, despite his words, he was still clearly not completely over everything. But with a conscious effort, he smoothed his features and his lips quirked up in a smile.

 

"It is in the past. I would like for this to be a chance for something new."

 

Cas stared at him a beat longer before nodding and slipping the invitation into the pocket of his blazer.

 

"Then I would be happy to attend."

 

Michael's smile widened.

 

"Good. Then I shall see you on Friday."

 

Cas nodded once more and then there was an awkward moment when the counter between them prevented any sort of brotherly embrace and shaking hands seemed far to formal a gesture so Michael just nodded and said softly, "It was good to see you brother." And then he was gone back out into the heat and Castiel realized he was going to have to go back to the townhouse to dig out his tux from the back of his closet.

 

Perhaps he could persuade Gabriel to get it for him.

 

...

 

The gala was held in the Lakeview room of the Chicago Four Seasons which, true to its name, boasted spectacular views of the Great Lake that only served to remind Cas of the spectacular views from Dean's hotel room. But Castiel was determined to enjoy himself. The food was good, the wine was plentiful (and free) and he'd even managed to persuade Gabriel and Charlie to come along. Even Lucifer was civil; cold, but civil, nodding and offering Castiel a curt smile after Michael shot him a stern look. But after initial introductions had been made to the most important people (to Michael at least) the siblings had dispersed and Castiel, despite his earlier convictions, began to feel distinctly, horribly, out of place.

 

It was fancy, to say the least, everywhere he looked women were decked out in gowns and diamonds that probably cost more than what he made in a year and Castiel shifted uncomfortably in his tux, pulling at the bow tie that Anna had practically strangled him with as they were rushing out the door and he drifted quietly through the crowd, nodding and smiling politely at anyone he inadvertently made eye contact with.

 

The most annoying part was that all his other siblings seemed to be fitting in no problem. Michael of course knew everyone and Lucifer ran in enough of the same circles what with being head of surgery at one of Chicago's most premier hospitals to be able to hold a conversation with anyone that mattered. Anna and Inias had each other if either was bereft of social engagement and Gabriel was of course in his element wherever there was a crowd and therefore an audience. Even Charlie, who probably had the least in common with this bunch of all of them - Castiel included - was laughing at something or other with a group of white haired men in the corner.

 

Cas let out a mournful sigh and allowed his self pity to rear its self-centred head for just a moment.

 

Clearly, it was him.

 

"C'mon Cassie, lighten up! It's a party!"

 

Cas looked round at Gabe who was suddenly standing next to him with a tray of appetizers.

 

"Yes, well, it would seem I'm not really in the mood."

 

"Aw, come on, don't be that guy. Here." He forced the tray onto Castiel while simultaneously picking up a mini crab puff and shoving it into his mouth, "At least enjoy the food!"

 

And with that he was gone and Castiel watched the crowd swallow him. He picked up one of the crab puffs. It was delicious. Just then someone walked by him and set their empty glass on his tray. Two more appeared, one still with the olives in it and he sighed again. Maybe he should go into catering. There might be good money in that.

 

But he steeled himself. Gabe had said to lighten up and perhaps that's what he should do. If it was indeed him, which all evidence was pointing to at the moment, perhaps he should just try being someone else. Maybe that would work.

 

He tried smiling, it felt foreign on his face but he caught a glance of himself in a gilded mirror that hung on the wall. He looked like he was having fun. Maybe that was all that needed. If he pretended for long enough, maybe he would actually begin to feel that way. He walked over to an empty table and set the tray down, scooping up two more crab puffs - they really were excellent - and went off to find Charlie.

 

...

 

All in all, it was turning out to be not a terrible evening, until a deep laugh sounded from somewhere in the crowd and he turned to see Dean in all of his stupid, handsome, black tie glory with his head thrown back in laughter. Cas turned back quickly, cheeks blazing as he moved as swiftly as he could through the crowd to where Carlie was currently hogging all the volauvents.

 

"We need to leave."

 

She turned, mouth full of pastry.

 

"Wha-?" She closed her mouth and swallowed, "What? Why? Was it Luc? What did he say?"

 

Cas shook his head, scanning the crowd as surreptitiously as he could.

 

"It wasn't Luc." He turned back to face her, "I just…I need to go."

 

She stared and then nodded.

 

"Okay. Do you want to find Gabe?"

 

Cas hesitated and then nodded.

 

"Sure."

 

…

 

They managed to pry Gabriel away from Michael's boss, a terrifyingly beautiful Indian woman named Kali who certainly lived up to her namesake if her reputation in - as well as out - of the court room was any indication, and they were nearly at the door when Lucifer stepped from the crowd to block his way.

 

"What? Leaving so soon brother? Was this party too stuffy for you? Not enough naked men covered in glitter for your taste? Or are you rushing off to meet that whore you so love to associate with?"

 

Beside him, Charlie fumed, "Get lost Luci, it's none of your business where we're going."

 

"Do not speak to me in that manner Charlene." He retorted, "And it would serve you well not to blindly follow wherever your dearly beloved Castiel goes. It is liable to get you into real trouble one of these days."

 

She opened her mouth but Michael appeared at Lucifer's side.

 

"What's going on here?!" He hissed, "You all promised to behave. What have you done this time Castiel?"

 

Cas' heart was racing as he stared down his oldest brother.

 

"Please Michael, not now. I just wanted to get some fresh air."

 

"Oh, please Castiel." Luc scoffed, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. Anna and Inias had now joined them and people on either side of them had begun to notice the family quarrel and it was only a matter of time before…

 

"Cas?"

 

He froze at the sound of the voice, mouth going dry as the noise fell out of the room. He swallowed hard and licked his lips, painfully aware that his entire family was staring as he turned and was pinned to the spot by an achingly familiar pair of bright green eyes that widened as they lit on him.

 

"Hello Dean."

 

...

 

The ambient sounds of chatter and music seemed to die away as they locked eyes.

 

Dean smiled, his gaze soft.

 

"It's good to see you Cas."

 

Cas nodded, and then frowned.

 

"What are you doing here?"

 

"Sammy just got transferred." Cas could see he pride shining in his eyes, "He made partner."

 

"Oh! Great, that...that's great." Was it just a massive coincidence that they had ended up here at the same swanky party or did the universe really hate him that much?

 

Dean nodded. "Yeah. Uh, what about you?"

 

Cas glanced over at his eldest brother who was watching the proceedings with expertly masked apprehension.

 

"Dean, this is my brother Michael Novak. He's one of the senior partners. Michael, this is Dean Winchester."

 

Dean's eyebrows rising was the only indication that he was taken aback by seeing Castiel in the company of his brother. But, with skills born from countless high class parties and press conferences, he school his features and offered Michael a winning smile along with his hand to shake.

 

"It's very nice to meet you."

 

"Likewise." Michael answered, grasping Dean's hand tight. "I have heard much about you."

 

Dean's smile faltered only slightly before it was back in full force. "Right back atcha. Although I didn't expect to be seeing you in Castiel's company."

 

Michael smiled and answered while looking over at Cas.

 

"Yes, neither did I."

 

There was silence as the conversation trailed off and the group of Novaks shifted as everyone wondered who was going to speak next.

 

"I believe you remember Gabriel, Charlie, Anna and Inias." Cas continued, "And this is my other brother, Lucifer."

 

One of Dean's eyebrows rose as he turned to the blonde.

 

"So, you're seriously named Lucifer?"

 

Luc didn't smile but took the proffered hand.

 

"Yes. And believe you me, I live up to it."

 

Dean gulped but held his ground as Lucifer no doubt squeezed as hard as he could.

 

"So." He continued, releasing his grasp on Deans hand which looked distinctly red after the encounter, "You're the one who captured our dear Castiel's heart."

 

Dean glanced between Cas and his brother, presumably trying to work out whether this was sarcasm or not. Castiel was wondering the same.

 

"Uhh, well, I think it was the other way round but, yeah I guess."

 

Lucifer smiled then and Dean cringed. Cas couldn't blame him, Luc had the smile of a great white.

 

"Yes well, I suppose you are his type."

 

"Excuse me?" Dean asked, frowning.

 

"Oh!" Lucifer answered with false surprise, "Did he not tell you what happened the last time he was invited to one of our little get-togethers. How he showed up drunk with some whore falling off his arm-"

 

WHACK

 

Cas didn't have time to react as Dean's fist flew back and then cut across Lucifer's face, catching his cheek bone and sending him back into Michael. All hell broke loose then and suddenly there were three security guards trying to force their way to the centre of the scuffle and Gabriel was forming a one man wall while gesturing for Cas to get out. He grabbed for Dean and pushed through the confused crowd until they were clear of the worst of it and through the doors into the main hall.

 

...

 

"Fuck that hurt!"

 

The ambient sounds of the crowd died away as the large double doors swung shut behind them, leaving them in silence. Dean shook out the hand that had connected rather spectacularly with Lucifer's left cheek bone while Cas watched him.

 

Dean looked up and laughed, adrenalin widening his smile and lighting up his eyes.

 

"Oh man, Sammy's gonna be pissed but god damn that felt good! It's been too damn long since I've properly hit a guy."

 

Cas didn't respond. He was still trying to come to terms with the fact that Dean was here in front of him. The fact that he had just decked his estranged brother was being put to the wayside for the moment.

 

He was distracted as the doors opened and the brobdingnagian form of Sam Winchester towered over them.

 

"Dean, what? Oh, hey Castiel..." The way he trailed off and stood awkwardly in the hall and yet looked not at all surprised to see him there, confirmed Cas' suspicion that his and Dean's both being there was in no way a coincidence.

 

"Hey Sam, look who I found!"

 

Sam glanced between the two of them.

 

"Yeah. That's great, say Dean, what's up with you decking the brother of my new boss?"

 

"Hey! He was insulting Cas! Besides, the guy's a dick. No offence." He directed the last comment to Castiel who shook his head in agreement.

 

"None taken."

 

Sam continued to fume.

 

"Dean, you promised you'd behave."

 

"Yeah well, I wasn't expecting assholes to be insulting people I love when I made that promise. Now, if you will excuse me, I'd rather prefer some privacy..."

 

He gestured between himself and Cas and Sam coloured as he nodded.

 

"Fine. But this is not over." He turned, "it's uh, it's good to see you Castiel."

 

Castiel nodded and then he and Dean were alone once more.

 

Dean fell quiet and shifted awkwardly.

 

"So," he said, exhaling in obvious discomfort, "what was old Luci talking about anyway?"

 

Cas blushed and glanced away, clearing his throat in anticipation of the humiliation to come.

 

"The last time I was invited to a function held by Michael's firm, I had just come out to my family and Amelia. I was nervous and, foolishly, I told Balthazar, who thought it would be a fantastic idea to pour tequila down my throat to 'loosen me up'. Then he introduced me to his 'friend' Meg." He shot a sideways look at Dean, “She was the one who posted the picture."

 

A dark look crossed Dean's face and eyes blazed and his nostrils flared. His hands clenched into fists before immediately relaxing as his swollen knuckles protested.

 

Cas winced sympathetically before continuing.

 

"Suffice it to say we caused rather a large and embarrassing scene when we arrived and we did not end up staying long."

 

"Let me guess." Dean spoke up, "It was Lucifer who suggested you leave."

 

"Michael and Lucifer both." Cas confirmed, "In fact, tonight marks the first I've spent any meaningful length of time with either of them since that night."

 

Dean nodded, frowning in consideration.

 

"Why does Meg hate you so much now? I mean, she's got to be a pretty huge bitch to go and do what she did knowing it would hurt someone as undeserving as you."

 

Cas blinked at him. Unsure how to accept the compliment.

 

"Well, it occurred to me that the only woman I had ever really been with had been Amelia and that, perhaps, some of the problem lay with her and not me. It was really nothing more than wishful thinking but Meg seemed willing. Eager even."

 

"And how did that go?"

 

"As badly as you might imagine and Meg turned out to be a little more more sensitive than I had anticipated. I didn't mean to hurt her. I didn't mean to hurt anybody. And yet I can't seem to stop."

 

"Yeah." Dean agreed softly, "I know what that's like."

 

Cas looked over at him standing small and contrite, so different from the loud, enthusiastic, charismatic man that could charm a room without even trying.

 

Dean was looking at him with those eyes. Those eyes that filled his entire world and erased everything else. Past, present, future meant nothing to him when he was staring into that sea of green. They were getting bigger until they obscured his vision and he could feel the warmth of a body sharing space with his, hot breath intermingling with his own and a heady scent that spoke of earlier times, better times. Times when he had felt safe and loved and cherished. His hands were on broad shoulders and strong arms had wrapped around him in a warm embrace and then they were kissing and he was finally back where he belonged.

 

Heat shot through him and it was like he had been living in a vacuum for the last few months; devoid of life, air, everything. Until Dean had come back to fill him up again.

 

He broke away gasping, stepping back with his hand held out, staring at the dazed look in Dean's face and breathing deeply to quell the burning desire to reach out and pull him in once more.

 

"Don't." He said, his words harsher than he meant them to be but he would not apologize for them, "You don't get to do that."

 

Dean sighed and nodded, his expression falling into one of seriousness for the first time.

 

"I know."

 

He looked up, green eyes shining in what Cas noted as shame and atonement, but Michael's words from earlier that night when the subject of Dean had inevitably come up came back to him.

 

'He's an actor Castiel. He makes a living pretending to feel things he doesn't actually feel. How far can you really trust someone like that?'

 

The irony of his brother the lawyer preaching authenticity had not escaped him and Dean now looked so contrite, so meek and unsure of himself, an expression that seemed so out of place on his face that Cas was almost tempted to forgive him right then and there.

 

Almost.

 

"I'm sorry Cas." Dean continued, his voice soft and open, the pain evident and Cas felt his heart stutter at the sound of it, "Really, I am. I shouldn't have blamed you, it wasn't your fault and you didn't deserve to have it taken out on you."

 

Cas closed his eyes. He had imagined Dean saying those things to him a hundred times over the past few months. Dreamt of it, yearned for it.

 

And now here he was saying it and Castiel couldn't accept it.

 

"I'm sorry Dean." He answered back in an almost whisper.

 

Dean looked like he might continue. Continue and not stop until he'd broken down all of Castiel's admittedly tumultuous barriers, until he was left the squealing, pining mess he knew wanted to reach out and never let go of this Adonis that stood before him. Dean could do it easily. He could have Cas eating out of the palm of his hand with one quirk of his annoyingly crooked smile.

 

But he didn't. Instead he smiled. It was small and sad and so different from his usual dazzling grin that it was painful to see.

 

"Yeah." His answer was soft and unsure and all Castiel wanted to do was reach out and grab him and kiss him and never let go.

 

But instead he stood his ground. He would not be pushed around anymore. He would not allow himself to be steamrolled. He was strong. He would show that he could take care of himself.

 

"It was really good to see you Cas." The sad smile was back but Castiel held his ground.

 

"You too Dean."

 

He was pulled into a hug. Dean's body was warm and the arms felt safe wrapped around him.

 

A kiss on the cheek. Friendly. Chaste. No more.

 

Castiel kept his eyes closed as the ambient sound of inane chatter swelled and died as the doors to the hall opened and closed, heralding Dean's departure. He focused instead on the warmth he could still feel on his cheek and in his heart and he continued to resist the urge to follow and beg once more for Dean's love.

 

He was strong.

 

He was a rock.

 

He would not bend.

 

He did not need anyone.

 

He was alone.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so life got seriously crazy for me in the past few months, like quitting my job, going back to school, and moving all at the same time kind of crazy, but now that I have time to breath...It's done! just got to do some re-reading and put some finishing touches on the epilogue but only two chapters to go after this.
> 
> Yay!

Castiel was holed up in his office the next day when Gabriel barged in, ignoring Alfie’s greeting of “Hello Mr Novak.” and striding straight to the back of the store, throwing the office door open and grabbing Castiel, pulling him to his feet and out the room.

 

“What?! Gabe!”

 

“Not now Cassie!” He shouted back, ignoring any protests Cas might have made as they left the store, "You’re in charge kid!” He yelled back to Alfie as the shop door shut behind them.

 

He pulled them up the street and into Angel Cakes, shutting the door and flipping the OPEN sign to CLOSED while Cas struggled out of his grip.

 

“What the hell Gabriel?” He asked and turned to find his entire family (minus Michael and Lucifer) sitting facing him in a haphazard semicircle like some sort of intervention.

 

Cas frowned.

 

“This isn’t some sort of intervention is it?”

 

Gabe pushed him down into a chair before taking one himself. 

 

“It’s a family meeting.”

 

Cas shifted in his seat and looked around.

 

“Since when do we do those?” 

 

“Since you decided to throw away the one thing that’s made you happier than you’ve ever been.”

 

Cas sighed.

 

“Look, Dean and I—” 

 

“Are the perfect couple and should be together forever.” Charlie piped up, munching on a croissant.

 

“Look, Charlie, it’s more complicated than that.”

 

“Do you love him?”

 

“Well…yes, but—”

 

“Well, he obviously loves you so…what the hell?”

 

“Have you forgotten how he completely overreacted when that picture went viral and left the city and didn’t talk to me for two months?”

 

“No, but I also haven’t forgotten how happy you were when you were with him and how depressed you were after he left.”

 

Cas scoffed and looked away, folding his arms and sitting back in his chair in what he knew was a petulant, childish manner but really couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

“Look, Castiel.” Anna spoke up, “We all just want to talk to you about what happened and how you’re feeling.”

 

He looked over at his sister and around at his siblings all looking back at him with what might have been familial concern if he didn’t know better.

 

“This couldn’t have come three years ago?” He asked, his tone caustic and designed to wound.

 

Gabriel shifted uncomfortably and Anna looked so upset he immediately felt horrendously guilty for his words.

 

“I’m sorry I—”

 

“No Castiel.” Inias spoke up in that way of his that commanded immediate silence and attention, “You have every right to be hurt. But Anna's right. We just want to talk to you about what occurred last night.”

 

“Nothing occurred last night. We…talked. He apologized. We went our separate ways. End of story.”

 

Silence descended as everyone exchanged significant glances and Cas busied himself with a plate of cookies Charlie had passed him.

 

“That’s it?” Charlie finally spoke up.

 

Cas huffed out an annoyed breath, “Yes, that’s it. That’s all that happened. Our lifestyles are not compatible, it’s never going to work out and he agreed with me.”

 

Charlie rolled her eyes, “Well that’s a load of crap.”

 

“Yeah, well, despite what the Beatles might have you believe, love isn’t all you need, ok!? It’s more complicated than that.”

 

“No it’s not!”

 

“Yes it is!”

 

“No it’s—”

 

“Okay, cut it out!”

 

Charlie sat back at Gabriel’s words, silent but still throwing Cas dirty looks.

 

“Look Castiel, we all understand and support the decision you made.” Charlie snorted and Gabriel responded by throwing a pen at her, “We just want you to be happy. And Dean did make you really happy. And I guess we’d sort of forgotten what that was like and it made us realize how unhappy you were with Amelia and how unhappy you’ve been since the divorce. And we also want to show that we support you. All of us.” 

 

Castiel couldn't help but think of the siblings who were noticeably absent.

 

“Ok.” Cas answered with a sigh, “Thank you. I appreciate that. But Dean and I…it’s just not going to happen ok? So just drop it. Please.”

 

There was another round of significant glances and Inias nodded.

 

“Very well Castiel. The subject will not be broached again.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Yes.” Anna agreed, “Perhaps it is for the best. Like you said.”

 

She looked over at Charlie who stared back before throwing up her hands and rolling her eyes, “Fine. No more talking about Dean.” She settled back into her chair, “I suppose it was worth a shot at least.”

 

Cas frowned.

 

“What was worth a shot?”

 

Gabriel was glaring furiously at Charlie who sat smirking smugly in her seat.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

No one spoke but every single face around the circle broadcasted guilt perfectly clearly.

 

“Gabriel.” 

 

He focused his gaze on the person most likely to be the mastermind behind the whatever had happened and sure enough after a few moments he broke with a “Fine.” and a glare at Charlie for good measure.

 

“Michael told me Sam Winchester was being transferred to the Chicago office and when I did a little digging and found out Dean was on the guest list for the big party, I thought, what a wonderful opportunity!”

 

Castiel felt his ire rise once more.

 

"So it was all a set up?" He asked, voice on the verge of of yelling as he glared at everyone in turn, "And you were all in on it? Even Michael?"

 

Gabriel nodded, "It was surprisingly easy to get him to agree to to the whole thing."

 

Castiel stared at his brother, reading his expression for any hint of dishonestly.

 

"Why?" He asked finally, not really knowing if he was even expecting a proper answer.

 

Gabe shrugged.

 

"He said family is most important. Above anything."

 

Castiel said nothing as he tried to reconcile this new attitude of his brother with the fact that he hadn't even shown up for this little 'intervention'.

 

Then the door burst open and a scruffy looking man with an even scruffier beard and baseball cap that looked as if it were glued to his head strode into the room, scanned every face with his sharp eyes and said, "Which one of ya's Castiel?"

 

Cas sat stunned, unable to do much more than stare, let alone process that this stranger was there looking for him.

 

"Umm, excuse me." Gabriel said, standing and coming to face the stranger, "I don't know if you can read but the sign on the door says we're closed."

 

The man sent a look toward the owner of the bakery that said without a doubt that he didn't suffer fools at all. Period.

 

"Door was unlocked wasn't it? What good's a sign when the door ain't even locked." He rolled his eyes Gabriel who sent a dirty look at the door as though it was at fault for not locking itself. "Now, I say again, which one of you is Castiel?"

 

Again, Cas could only blink, and his voice didn't seem to want to join in at all so instead he raised his hand like he was in kindergarten.

 

The sharp gaze fell on him and he found himself gulping under the scrutiny. After what certainly felt like a lifetime, the man grunted and said, "Yeah, I've seen your picture."

 

Heat rose in his cheeks and he opened his mouth to protest but was cut off (and lucky too because whatever was going to come out of his mouth was bound to be pathetic, if anything came out at all) by Gabriel.

 

"Excuse me." He said as he pulled himself to his full height, which admittedly was not much but Gabe could be surprisingly intimidating when he wanted to, and squared his shoulders as though for a fight. "But who exactly are you?"

 

They locked eyes for a hard minute, neither showing any sign of backing down, and the stranger smiled a feral grin completely lacking in any warmth.

 

"I might ask you the same question, but I'm going to assume you're Gabriel."

 

Gabe blinked but held his calm facade.

 

"You have me at a disadvantage."

 

The feral smile made a comeback.

 

"You know, I find that to be a perfectly comfortable place to be." He turned back to Castiel who had not risen and saw no reason to. All it was likely to do was make him look foolish. "I'm Bobby Singer."

 

Castiel nodded. Dean had told him about the gruff friend of his father's who had become a sort of surrogate father/uncle figure in the absence of of his own father's role in his life. Bobby was someone whose opinion mattered a great deal to Dean and Castiel could see how Dean would draw strength from the stoic manner he exuded.

 

"It's nice to meet you." He greeted, standing and offering his hand to shake. "Dean has spoken very highly of you."

 

Bobby took his hand in a firm grip, "Same goes for you. That boy's about as smitten as I've ever seen 'im."

 

Cas shifted uncomfortably, "Look, if you've come here to convince me-"

 

"I ain't come here to convince anyone son. You've got every right to do what you think's best for you. I only came to deliver something."

 

"What?" Castiel asked with a frown. Instead of answering, he opened the door. Sam Winchester stepped inside with a curious smile on his face and he nodded at Cas and then moved aside. He was followed by Michael of all people, but before Cas could form any sort of query as to why they were there, a young girl followed in behind them and every thought flew from his mind at the sight of her.

 

She had grown in the year since he had last seen her, her hair was a little longer, falling over her shoulders instead of brushing them like before. But the smile that broke over her face as she caught sight of him was just the same as he remembered from the first time he had held her in his arms.

 

"Daddy!"

 

She ran forward, barrelling into him before he had a chance to really process what was happening but his arms snaked around her of their own accord, holding her tight against him in a way he never wanted to end.

 

"Claire."

 

The name came out choked and he realized belatedly that tears were welling up in his eyes and he closed them, dipping his face to rest against her hair, kissing the crown of her head softly before pulling back and kneeling down.

 

Tear tracks left glistening paths down her cheeks and he brushed them aside with the pad of his thumb even as his own continued to pour.

 

"Daddy." She said again, hiccuping even as she smiled and he couldn't help but beam himself as he stared back at her.

 

"Hey baby." He said softly and let out a choking laugh as he pulled her in again, kissing her cheek as he held his daughter in his arms once more.

 

It seemed like a lifetime had passed once he finally pulled away and let the rest of the world fade back into existence and yet it still felt like not nearly enough time.

 

He looked up at Sam and Bobby and Michael who still stood quietly in the entrance, looking fondly at the father daughter reunion taking place before them.

 

"How did you...? What...? Why...?"

 

Questions swirled through his mind and yet none of them settled long enough to form into anything coherent. Beside him, Claire laughed at his in-eloquence and his heart lurched at sound.

 

"It was Dean." Sam began, "He told me about how your wife refused you custody so I took a look at the court decision and it isn't within her legal rights to refuse you visitation."

 

Castiel nodded. He'd been fighting with Amelia's lawyers for nearly a year to allow him to see Claire but between having to use cheap public attorneys and teetering on the brink of bankruptcy with all the legal fees, he'd been unable to make much headway.

 

"When I got transferred, Michael got wind of it and, well, he was really the one who got Amelia to back down."

 

Castiel looked over at his eldest brother.

 

"Is that true Michael?"

 

Michael shrugged, a careless gesture so unlike his usual meticulous mannerisms. "I ought to have acted much sooner. I am only trying to make up for my past mistakes."

 

Castiel could feel tears pricking in the corner of his eyes and he blinked them away, mostly unsuccessfully as he squeezed Claire's shoulder.

 

"Thank you, Michael." He said emphatically, "Thank you."

 

Michael opened his mouth as though to respond, but instead, he merely nodded and looked away. It would take a lot more that a few words and a gesture of good faith to heal that particular relationship.

 

Castiel was too wrapped up in the happiness of finally having his daughter back to really be aware of anything else, but as the rest of his family came forward to share in the joy of the reunion, a thought struck him.

 

"You said Dean asked you to do this." He commented, frowning at the Winchester in the doorway.

 

Sam nodded, "Yes."

 

"But you and he hadn't spoken in years before you came to my house." Two days before _the photo_ that had ruined everything.

 

Bobby sent a glare sideways at Sam who squirmed and grimaced.

 

"Yes, we...didn't get along for a very long time. We're... working on getting to know each other again." He cocked his head and fixed Castiel with a curious look, "why?"

 

Cas's frown deepened, his mind jumping to a realization that he wasn't all too sure he was ready for. "So...when did he ask you? To get Claire back for me?"

 

Sam's face relaxed into a smile.

 

"Six weeks ago. He said he knew it wasn't nearly enough to make up for what he'd done, but that at least it was something."

 

Castiel's heart jolted and he sank slowly into his seat at the new information sank in.

 

"Daddy? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Claire was looking at him with an expression of concern that seemed far too mature on her youthful face.

 

He smiled at the sight of her, stilled awed by the fact at she was indeed here.

 

"I'm fine sweetie, I'll be fine."

 

She smiled and turned back to the crowd that had gathered around her and Cas looked back at Sam to find he and Bobby watching him closely.

 

"Why didn't he just call? If he was sorry enough to do something like this, why not just talk to me?"

 

Bobby snorted and rolled his eyes, Sam looked like he wanted to say something but instead he just shook his head.

 

"'Cause that would've made too much sense." The old man scoffed, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his well worn jeans. Castiel's frown deepened and Bobby elaborated. "Look, Dean's a great guy. One of the best you'll ever meet. And he's got the biggest heart of anyone too, but he's got the self esteem of a flea and he won't ever tell anybody he's sorry, not cause he ain't or cause he's too proud but cause he don't really think anybody'd believe him."

 

"But that doesn't help anything, it just prolongs the pain."

 

Bobby nodded, "Like I said, the boy's an idjit."

 

Sam smiled, "Bobby's right Castiel, and it took me far too long to see it." He shifted, choosing his words carefully, "I know he hurt you. And I understand if you feel you can't forgive him, but please Castiel. Please try. Because I think you guys have something real. And I'd hate to see that fade away."

 

Cas regarded the earnest truth in Sam's eyes before looking down at his daughter who sat perched on his lap as though they had never been apart. As though she'd been gone no longer that a weekend trip to visit Amelia's parents in Pontiac. She was talking animatedly with Charlie and Anna and she looked up at him and smiled, burrowing into his chest and allowing his arms to fold around her. A pressure in his chest he hadn't even known was there released and he sighed, tears trickling from his eyes in a rush of relief and joy. 

 

He looked back up at Sam.

 

"Which hotel is Dean staying in?"

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as promised, two updates in one week! This is probably the fluffiest thing I've ever written, but that's why y'all are here right?
> 
> Anyway, hope you like!
> 
> P.S. I know C2E2 takes place in the spring, but just go with it.

They were crammed in Charlie's car, speeding through city traffic on their way to the Chicago Ritz-Carleton where Dean was staying. Cas was in the front seat, Claire sitting on his lap since she refused to be out of his sight and honestly, Cas didn't particularly want her out of his either. Gabriel, Anna, and Michael were in the back, a clear breech of the rules of physics but they somehow managed it. Sam Winchester had given them the address but stayed behind because the idea of him squeezing into the petite green bug was laughable.

"Son of a bitch!" Charlie cursed as a car swerved unexpectedly into the lane in front of her without signalling, "learn to drive asshole!" She shouted as she passed him. Castiel frowned and covered his daughters ears.

"Charlie, could you maybe refrain from too much colourful language." He reprimanded.

Claire laughed and tugged his hands down. "Come on Dad, I'm ten. It's not like I haven't heard those words before."

Cas looked down at his daughter and a pang of longing burst through his chest at the thought of how much time he had lost watching her grow. Guiding her, teaching her, keeping her safe. Not for the first time, unkind thoughts toward Amelia surfaced in his mind, rants fuelled by righteous fury on the absence of her right to keep this all important part of himself from him.

But as Claire smiled back up at him, that anger melted to grateful love and he pressed a kiss to her temple, his heart warming when she responded by leaning back into him and resting her head on his chest. He stroked her arm and held her tight.

The green bug pulled up to entrance of the hotel and all six piled out, ignoring the doorman's feeble attempts at addressing them, and Castiel came to a nervous shuffling halt at the front counter. He had been running mostly on adrenaline and the natural high of finally having his daughter back and now he found himself having to actually think about what he was going to say to Dean when he saw him.

He knew he needed to thank the man for getting Claire back if nothing else, and a large part of him did want to forgive him and make up. It was the same part that ached in the morning when he woke to an empty bed, and longed for that feeling of bliss he felt when he was in Dean's arms, knowing he loved, and was loved by, that man. He had been pushing it away, refusing to give voice to the desires, but now that he was, they were flooding him with a need he wasn't entirely sure he could resist. And yet the pain was still there and even as he stood, ready to see the man again, he still wasn't sure what he was going to do or say.

The concierge looked up from his computer and Castiel said in a breathless voice, "Dean Winchester's room please."

The man looked placidly into the faces of the group people standing opposite him and said in a professionally detached tone, "I'm sorry, there is no one of that name staying with us."

For a moment, Castiel thought maybe Sam Winchester had lied to him as some sort of epic revenge - that for some reason involved reuniting him with his daughter - and then the penny dropped and he was confronted by the impossibly long list of rockstar aliases Dean had to choose from.

His brow furrowed and he worried his bottom lip with his teeth as he floundered in his mind for any inspiration from his pathetic knowledge (or lack thereof) of popular culture.

"Uhhhh, Paul McCartney? Mick Jagger? James Taylor?"

The man behind the desk stayed stoic, only a shake of the head dismissing his guesses. Cas dropped his head into his hands, elbows resting on the counter as he searched for something, anything, divine intervention even, that might lead him to the right name.

Dean's face popped into his head, eyes drowsy from sleep, vibrant green peeking out from impossibly long lashes as he roused from sleep. Fingers intertwining, hands resting on soft covers as morning light filtered through his bedroom curtains. Dimly lit by streetlights as he stared out over the vast expanse of Lake Michigan. Looking stunning and perfect in his well tailored tuxedo at the Law firm's gala. Eyes crinkling as he laughed at Gabriel's quips while sitting round the table in Anna and Inias's dining room. Opening the bathroom door half naked while Castiel held out a spare t-shirt, still too shocked by his presence to speak.

_'Dude! I love AC/DC!'._

Castiel's head shot up. Hands shaking.

"Angus Young." He said in a thin, trembling voice.

The man's mouth twisted in disdain and Cas knew he was right.

"He isn't here." The concierge said, a smugness colouring his answer, or perhaps Castiel was just imagining that.

"Where is he?" He asked. The man shook his head.

"I'm sorry sir but I can't give out that information-"

"Oh come on!" Gabriel interrupted loudly and vigorously.

Cas put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's alright Gabe, maybe we can wait until he gets back."

"Wait!" Charlie screeched, practically vibrating with excitement and earning a dirty look and a curt 'shhh!' from another hotel employee attending to a rich looking couple a few feet away. Charlie stuck her tongue out at him before turning, a triumphant smile on her face, "I know where he is."

...

McCormick Place sprawled out along the edge of the lake and it was swarming with people in all manner of dress, costumes ranging from extravagant to borderline inappropriate, and converging on the convention centre and Castiel stared out in wonder.

"What is this Charlie?" He asked,

"C2E2 dude! Best comic convention east of San Diego!" She gushed, pulling her car into a loading bay and stepping out.

"Four words." Gabriel rebuked, "New York Comic-Con."

"Shut your face." Charlie answered.

"How in the name of the father are we expected to get in?" Castiel asked in an attempt to get his squabbling siblings back to the task at hand. It was a veritable sea of people that stood between him and Dean and God knows where he even was in the massive complex.

"I have my ways." Charlie winked, setting off around the side of the building and pulling out her phone.

Castiel frowned but followed, familiar enough with his youngest sister's flair for the dramatic to trust her.

Rounding the corner he found her waiting by an unmarked side door. They stood in silence for a few moments, long enough for Castiel to get antsy and open his mouth to demand answers, when the door swung open, and a tall brunette woman with a walkie-talkie on her belt and an official looking lanyard hanging around her neck ushered them inside.

Before anyone could question what was going on, Charlie had her hand wrapped around the woman's neck and had pulled her down for a kiss.

When Castiel had come out to his family, Charlie had been the first he'd told and the first to stand by him, so it was only natural that a year later she'd confided in him her own emerging sexual identity and how afraid she was to tell anyone else. Castiel had assured her he would stand by her no matter what and though she had ended up telling Gabriel, Anna and Inias, he didn't actually know if she had ever come out to her oldest brothers. Judging by the shocked look on Michael's face, she hadn't.

The kiss ended and Charlie stepped back, turning to the rest of her siblings, eyes focused on Michael, "So this is Dorothy." She introduced and proceeded to stare him down.

The eldest Novak remained silent but from beside Castiel, a voice spoke up.

"Is Dorothy your girlfriend?" Clair asked in the innocent way only children could truly pull off.

Charlie smiled, looking up at the woman and intertwining their hands.

"She sure is."

"So you like girls the same way Daddy likes boys?"

Charlie smiled down at her niece and glanced up at Cas.

"Yeah." She answered.

Clare nodded, "okay."

Castiel looked over at Michael who had still not said anything, pride and love blooming in his chest for the person his daughter was growing into. He squeezed her shoulder, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes, lump growing uncomfortable in his throat. His eldest brother looked from Charlie to Claire to Castiel, his face holding an expression of apology. He said nothing, but nodded his head. The room let out a collective sigh of relief and Charlie turned back to Dorothy.

"So you got my text?"

"Yeah." She answered, stealing a glance at Castiel.

"And you can get us in?" Her smile widened and she bounced on the balls of her feet.

Dorothy sighed and her face told Cas she could likely get in real trouble for this but before he could protest, her expression hardened into a look of determination and she nodded, a small, mischievous smile curling the corners of her mouth.

"I sure can."

...

Their trek through the building took them first through a labyrinth of service hallways before opening up into the building proper, though they kept having to shortcut through the back ways to avoid the throngs of people packed into the convention centre. Eventually they reached a somewhat abandoned hallway and stopped in front of a pair of double doors. Dorothy peeked in first before ushering them in, holding a finger up to her mouth for silence as they entered the room.

It was dark and packed to the brim, the air was hot and stuffy and a makeshift stage was set up at the far end of the room and on it, lit by a bank of overhead lights, stood Dean, talking into a microphone and garnering a roar of laughter from the crowd every few seconds.

The group filed in, settling along the back wall and Charlie moved so she was standing next to Cas.

"So? You ready?"

Cas gaped at her, "You expect me to do this in front of all these people?" He hissed.

Charlie looked affronted.

"Of course I do!" She whispered back, "Come on! This is your chance!"

Cas shook his head.

"No way."

Charlie opened her mouth to retort but someone beside them 'shushed' them and she snapped her mouth closed and leaned back against the wall, arms folded in a show of petulance.

The crowd roared with laughter and Dean laughed with them although even from the back of the room Cas could tell by the set of his jaw and the tension that prevented the smile gracing his lips from reaching his eyes that he wasn't entirely comfortable being the centre of attention.

"Anyway," He shrugged, wrapping up whatever story he'd been telling, "it was pretty embarrassing, and now you guys all know that, so...that's great."

The crowd chuckled and another question was asked.

"So how long have you known Dorothy, and why wasn't I informed?"

Charlie ducked her head and glanced over at the woman standing a few feet from them.

"We met in Moondoor and we've only been going out a few weeks. I just didn't want to tell you while you were still dealing with Dean."

Cas sighed and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in for a half-hug.

"You know whatever's going on with me, you can always tell me things. I'm never going to hold your happiness against you just because I'm miserable."

His sister grinned and nodded.

"I know, I was going to tell you soon, honest."

Cas nodded.

"Good, now, this isn't going to turn into another Gilda situation is it?"

Charlie rolled her eyes and pulled away.

"Cas, Dorothy isn't crazy and she's not going to get me to join any cults."

"You would have said the same thing about Gilda."

"Yeah, well... shut up."

He grinned down at her and she playfully slapped him on the arm before pulling out her phone which had begun to vibrate. She conferred with Dorothy for a moment before both of them stepped out of the room only to reenter ten minutes later with Sam, Bobby, and Inias in tow.

"Sorry, I totally forgot this was today." Sam whispered as he settled against the wall beside Cas who shook his head and gestured that it was fine.

On stage Dean was wrapping up an anecdote about pranks that happened behind the scenes on some of his movies and a question was asked that sent Castiel's heart racing.

"Hi Dean," the speaker was a girl, young by the sound of her voice, and obviously nervous to be speaking, "I'm gay and it hasn't been an easy thing for me to deal with, I'm just wondering what sort of advice you would give to your fans who are maybe struggling with their sexual identity and having a hard time coming to terms with that."

The room fell into an awkward hush as Dean considered the question for a few moments. The implications of the question were not lost on most of the room and Castiel's stomach churned at the thought of what Dean's answer might be.

"Well," Dean began, clearing his throat and shifting on the stool on which he was perched, "I guess I'd tell them they weren't alone."

He paused, his demeanour serious and he licked his lips before taking in a breath and saying, "I myself have struggled to come to terms with my own sexuality and my choice to hide it for as long as did I think ended up doing more harm than good. I hid it because I was afraid of what people would think; not just the general public, but my friends and family. I didn't grow up in a particularly accepting home, my father was about as tolerant as you would expect an ex Vietnam vet and marine to be and there was really only one way a man could be in his eyes and I guess I carried that with me even after he died." He cleared his throat again and began fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he continued, "I realized I was bisexual quite early on I think but it was never something I acknowledged, even to myself. And that ended up hurting a lot of people. People I cared for, people I loved. And it ended up hurting me too so I think the best way is just to accept it. Accept yourself and love yourself and if the people around you can't or won't do the same, you have to decide how important they are to you in your life. And if those people are your parents...it's tough, I know. I never had a chance to come out to my dad. And I'm not sure what would have happened if I had. But you know, my dad had this friend. And we used to stay at his house all the time when my dad didn't have enough money to feed us or afford a motel or when he was so drunk he couldn't take care of himself. And about a month ago I told him I was bi and you know what he said? He said 'that's great boy, now get back to work 'cause that corn won't shuck itself.'"

The audience chuckled.

"We were in the middle of making dinner and here was this huge secret that I'd been carrying with me for so long and he acted like it was no big deal. Which, it really isn't. Or it shouldn't be. I guess what I'm saying is that no matter how much you might hide it or fight it or hate it, it's a part of you and it's not going away and the sooner you accept it, the easier it will get and the happier you'll be."

Applause followed the speech, applause Sam joined in on beside him and a warmth flowed through him as Claire took his hand and squeezed it.

The clapping died down and another voice spoke up.

"I know you've spoken a bit about it in interviews but I was wondering if you could elaborate a little on the picture that surfaced a few months ago."

Up on stage, Dean sighed, clearly tired of discussing the topic but humouring the question nevertheless.

"The picture was taken and posted without my consent. And I did want to thank everyone who stood by me through that as well as the photos that surfaced before, ummm." He paused, rubbing at the back of his neck with one hand, microphone held loosely in the other. "As for what happened, I don't have a whole lot to say. The other person in the picture is someone I care very deeply about and someone who got hurt because of it. He didn't deserve what happened and now that everything has pretty much blown over, the thing I'm most upset about is how much I hurt him in the process."

The room was silent and then a familiar voice spoke up.

"Now that this has blown over, what are the chances of you reconciling with this person?"

Castiel looked around to find Charlie holding a microphone and looking very self-satisfied about it. On stage Dean was shifting again.

"Well, I have spoken with him and he has made it clear the he doesn't want to have anything to do with me and I honestly can't fault him for that."

A chorus of sympathetic awww's sounded from the crowd and he held up his hand.

"No. Don't do that. Really, I behaved very badly and I don't deserve your sympathy." He looked thoughtful, crossing his arms and holding the mic sideways, "I know that I screwed up and there's really no excuse. It's not that surprising, I screw things up all the time, but this...this was something special and I'll always treasure that. But I hurt him and he didn't deserve that. He deserved nothing but the best because he's honestly, the nicest, kindest, awesomest person and I don't think I really realized how much I loved him until he was gone and I have only myself to blame for that. I just hope that he's happy. But to answer your question, I don't think we'll be seeing each other again."

Castiel stared up at Dean from his spot at the back hidden in the shadows, watching the only man he had ever loved express his own feelings for Castiel to a room full of strangers. A momentary rush of anger flared in him at the thought that Dean was so much more comfortable spilling his heart out to an anonymous group of people than he was to Castiel but as he felt Claire shift beside him, the anger was immediately replaced by gratefulness and love that grew and grew until he wasn't sure he could contain it for much longer.

Yes, Dean was an actor. Yes it was his job to play parts and imitate emotion. But Castiel had gotten more than one glimpse behind the wall Dean erected to protect himself and in this moment, everything inside Castiel screamed that this was real. He felt a release of the anger and resentment he had been holding inside for the past three months and once it was gone, all that was left was longing and love.

A movement to his side caught his eyes and he looked to see Charlie holding out the microphone to him with an eager look in her eyes. Up on stage, Dean was looking around at the darkened crowd for the next question.

"If this person was here though, and told you that he'd forgiven you and that he wanted you back because he realized you're it for him, that he can't imagine spending the rest of his life with anyone but you, what would you do then?" The microphone shook in his hands at he lowered it, heart pounding in his chest as he watched the reaction to his question.

Dean blinked, stunned, brow furrowed and he brought his hand up to shield his eyes from the lights that shone only on him as he stood from his perch.

"Can we get the  _house_  lights up please?" He asked in a breathless voice.

The room flooded with light and Castiel had to blink at the sudden change but when he could see again, Dean was staring down at him with a look of awe and disbelief.

"Cas?" He asked softly, as though afraid anything louder would banish him from the room.

"Hello, Dean." He answered. The crowd erupted into a frenzy of excited chatter before dying down just as quickly to watch the drama unfold.

Dean's hand was over his mouth, and he was shaking, his eyes suspiciously moist. "Sorry, could you repeat the question?" He asked once he'd gotten himself back under some manner of control.

"If this person you were speaking so eloquently about before were here now, telling you he was sorry too, that he loves you too, that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you," He answered, eyes locked with Dean's, "what would you do?"

Dean's lips turned up in a trembling smile and he nodded, closing his eyes for a moment.

"I'd do this." He said softly, stepping off stage, mic dropping to the ground as he pushed his way through a suddenly rowdy crowd but all Castiel could do was watch as Dean moved closer and closer until he was there and then he was in Castiel's arms again and it felt  _so right_. Dean pulled back a little to stare in wonder at him, a smile broke over his face, a real smile, not the politely fake, media smile or the sultry smirk staring out from the cover of Vanity Fair, but a full on, eye crinkling smile that had Cas beaming in return.

Dean's head moved towards him slightly before hesitating, teeth worrying his bottom lip, eyebrows pinched in worry. Castiel's smile softened at the show of uncertainty and decided Dean had suffered enough. Closing his eyes he moved in, not needing sight to know where Dean's lips were, his found them of their own accord. The pandemonium that erupted around them at the kiss faded away to nothing as Castiel's hand came up to caress Dean cheek even as Dean's own came up to tangle in his hair. The crowd was still screaming when they parted, panting. Dean's hand came down to rest on his cheek and he brushed the pad of his thumb softly across it.

"Why?" He asked softly, staring in wonder down at him.

Cas turned and laid a hand on Claire's shoulder, pulling her gently towards them.

"Dean, this is my daughter. Claire."

Claire stared up at Dean with a smile but said nothing. Dean smiled and nodded knowingly.

"It's nice to meet you Claire." He greeted.

"Thank you." She answered. "For letting me see my Daddy again. And for making him so happy."

Dean nodded and looked back at Cas.

"You know I didn't do it to…"

Cas waved his hand. Seeing Claire may have been the impetus to get him here, but the forgiveness had come all on its own.

"I know." He answered simply. "I know."


	12. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short, it's cheesy, but it's DONE!

Cas looked up as the bell over the door chimed and it opened to emit a flurry of long blond hair.

 

"Daddy! Daddy! Look what Dean bought me!"

 

Coming around the side of the counter, she pulled herself up on the stool beside him and plopped not one, not two, but three shopping bags, all from high street stores, down on top of the books he had been tagging and entering into the system. He looked up from the clothes she was pulling out and describing with great enthusiasm, to the man who followed her in with a judgemental raised eyebrow and to his credit, Dean shrugged sheepishly. Cas shook his head and removed his reading glasses, returning his attention to his daughter and her new wardrobe.

 

"Wow!" He answered once she was done, "I hope you remembered to thank Dean for his generosity."

 

"She sure did." Dean answered, coming to rest his elbows on the counter, facing them.

 

"Why don't you go show your uncle Gabriel. I'm sure sure he'll demand an entire fashion show." Cas suggested. 

 

Claire shoved the clothes back in the bag and hopped down from the stool, rounding the counter and wrapping her arms around the other man with an emphatic,"Thank you Dean!" Before disappearing around the corner from mystery fiction where the entrance to the new extension was. 

 

It had opened a few months ago and housed the new location of Angel Cakes. When the café beside Novak and Sons had gone under, Gabriel had leapt at the chance to not only move to a larger space, but combine the two businesses, and between the increase in traffic he'd suddenly received being the boyfriend if one of the biggest movie stars in the world, and sharing profits with Gabriel, the bookstore was out of the red for the first time since Chuck had passed.

 

Cas looked back at Dean once Claire was out of sight.

 

"I know, I know!" Dean answered preemptively under Castiel's judgemental stare, "It's a little much."

 

"A little much? Dean, she goes to a private school. She doesn't need that many clothes. Besides, you're not exactly winning me any points with Amelia, what happens when she finds out and has yet another thing to be angry at me about."

 

"Well, she doesn't have to know. We can just keep them at our place for when she comes to stay." He grinned smugly, knowing he'd won this round. "Besides. I want her to like me." He added softly.

 

Cas sighed and took his hand, interlacing their fingers and squeezing.

 

"You don't need to buy her something every time you see her, she already likes you and I'd prefer it if you didn't spoil her."

 

"Alright." Dean conceded, coming around the counter and throwing an arm around Cas' shoulder, "But you know she'll never be spoiled. She's a good kid. Not surprising considering who her dad is."

 

Cas blushed under the complement and ducked his head, allowing Dean to pull him in and press a kiss to his mop of jet black hair.

 

"I worry sometimes how much my bad choices are going to affect her life. Have already affected her. I was gone for an entire year Dean."

 

"Hey, she knows that wasn't by choice. And she also knows how much you care about her. I mean, look at me and Ben, we live in different states and you're always quick to reassure me. Trust me, she's doing alright."

 

Cas sighed and rested his head on Dean's shoulder.

 

From next door, Gabriel yelled "Woo! Work it girl!" 

 

Castiel rolled his eyes.

 

"So we're having dinner at your brother's tonight, don't forget."

 

"Right, right. He and Jess have that 'big surprise'."

 

"You think Jess is pregnant?."

 

"Oh, a hundred percent."

 

Cas smiled and leaned further into Dean's embrace.

 

"Are we going to tell them our big news?" He asked.

 

Dean pulled back and turned to face him, taking Cas' hand in his own and brushing his thumb over the silver band.

 

"Sure. In fact..." He trailed off and instead pulled Cas in, holding up their intwined hands so the ring was readily visible and holding out his phone.

 

"Dean, what-?"

 

"Shh, just smile." He said, grinning at the camera and nudging Cas until he relented and grinned in turn, smile widening when Dean turned to plant a kiss on the side of his head.

 

Once he'd snapped the photo, he fiddled with his phone, tongue sticking out the side of his mouth as he typed in his endearingly slow way.

 

"What are you doing Dean?" Cas asked finally, impatience getting the better of him.

 

Dean grinned and showed him the phone, which was open to a Twitter draft with the message:

 

_As B says, if you like it you should put a ring on it. Well I like it. A lot. Can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this adorable guy! #engaged_

 

 And the picture linked beneath it.

 

"Telling the whole world how much I love you." He answered, looking back at the phone and posting the update before looking back up.

 

Castiel stared into Dean Winchester's eyes, and was hit by the all too common rush of wonder and awe that came whenever he stopped to realize that those eyes, that he closed his own to every evening and woke to every morning, those eyes that stared at him in the bathroom mirror and winked at him when they were bored at a party and wanted to leave. Those eyes he had studied for hours memorizing every fleck of gold and shade of green that made them up were the same eyes that millions of people saw on screens and posters and magazines worldwide, and yet they were his to gaze into for as long and as often as he wanted. His stomach flipped a little, as it always did when he thought about the odds of this happening and then he couldn't help but smile at the fact that it had, and that Dean gazed back at him with the same amount of awe and wonder.

 

He grinned as Dean's phone began to buzz with incoming messages and texts but it faded into the background as Dean neared, bringing his lips down to meet Cas'. His own phone vibrated in his pocket and the store phone was ringing off the hook, all of it paling in comparison with the feel of Dean in his arms, the taste of his lips, fingers intertwined.

 

From next door Gabriel let out a piercing "WHAT?!"

 

He giggled and broke away as his daughter and soon to be brother in law barrelled into the room, Gabriel demanding answers as to why he was not informed first and Claire demanding to be picked up so she could hug them both. With Claire in his arms and Dean's hand on his cheek, Gabriel yelling at him in the background, he smiled. Joy filling him with a warmth he never thought he would feel again. Echoes of weekends spent with his father in the shop, Claire flipping through picture books as he watched her from the counter, and now Dean, filling the space with light and hope again.

 

Gabriel picked up the phone but Castiel barely noticed, too wrapped up was he in the ecstasy of the moment.

 

He looked down at Claire beaming at him and then up at Dean wearing a similar expression.

 

A year ago he was resigned to a lonely, solitary existence, devoid of any companionship or even the presence of his daughter. Now he had Claire nearly every weekend, a relationship with his eldest siblings that was slowly being mended, and literally the man of his dreams.

 

Gabriel pushed the receiver towards him and he took it without breaking contact with those stunning eyes, Charlie's excited, shrieking tones reaching his ear before the phone was anywhere near it.

 

Happiness flooded in, banishing the last remnants of loneliness. 

 

It was all he had ever wanted. And more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why are last lines so difficult?!
> 
> Any way, why don't you tell me what you thought!

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr](http://cas-in-a-leather-jacket.tumblr.com/)


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